| Sorry, I haven't read the Kite Runner, so when I tried to read your body paragraphs, I couldn't figure out what was going on. However, I did notice a few things from your intro and conclusion:
I like the idea of an intro anecdote, but yours seems a little bit too long. Trim it down to the essentials.
Your conclusion is a little weak. I didn't like the sentence, "There generally is a special father-son relationship", I would at least make it stronger by saying, "The father-son relationship is special in literature", or something.
One way to intro and end is to make a grandstanding statement, something big and general. I think the anecdote is fine for your intro, but your conclusion could build to some sort of big statement.
Sorry I couldn't help you more, best of luck! |