| Dear Mr. X,
I am, from the bottom of my heart, asking you to truly consider me for admissions (What, are you saying he considered you falsely before?). Please, put my file away for just one minute and read this letter with an open heart. If you do this, I am certain you will sense my deep passion to be a part of the University of X community.
My name is X and I applied as a new freshmen for the fall 2008 term. I just checked my status online and it stated that my application is being reviewed by a final committee. I feel this is my final opportunity to allow you to understand why I need to be encircled in the University of X community.
I am fully aware of the University of X's efforts to challenge its students and I am at the point in my adult life that that type of environment is crucial. I have never truly been fortunate enough to be in an environment where I was really challenged to think (Oh, really? Don't insult your school without proof.). Regardless of what I want to do in life, I have always wanted to be a thinker and a person of knowledge. My grades and test scores might say otherwise, but I truly enjoy learning and being around others who also value a great education. I know your office is used to seeing people with outstanding test scores and grades and they most definitely deserve a chance to be educated by your very qualified professors, but I feel that I too deserve that chance (You're pointing attention to your weaknesses). I was made aware by a recruiter that your university provides an excellent source of academic support (be specific) and I know this is just what I need. I know I can succeed at the University of X and I just need you to believe that too (you make it sound like it's not true), but I can also understand if that’s difficult for you to do only through a letter.
I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this letter and I especially want to thank you for giving me a fair chance and actually reviewing my application.
Sincerely,
X
Seriously? This letter is way too vague. It sounds like an ungrammatical, ill-worded attempt to suck up to the officer. You need a hook.
1) Why haven't you been challenged, and why do you want to be now?
2) What is this "excellent source of support?"
3) Of all the underqualified people, why should you be the one they accept?
If you really deserve to get in, there needs to be something else you're not telling the admissions officers. Think of that something. |