If you want a sense of what MIGHT have come across wrong or unlikable, start here:
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Because he worked harder, he wanted to get in a better college. . . . Should I tell [his brother] not to do the same stuff because it may not give him any desired result either?
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I imagine, in a supercompetitive applicant pool, that it would be the absolute kiss of death to give the sense that
anything a student had accomplished had been done with the objective of getting a "desired result" in college admissions. If you learn anything from this experience, it's got to be (a) it's hard to predict elite college admissions, and (b) therefore whatever a student does in high school should be done for its own sake, not with an eye to college applications. Presumably, your son got real benefit -- education, personal growth, satisfaction -- out of what he did. That's the important reward, and those are the benefits he'll take with him to the next level. He and his father have to be happy with that.
It all seems very unfair, I know, and it IS very unfair. Some kids (including many ethnic Chinese and South Asians) seem to get rewarded across the board for their achievements, while others seem to get blackballed for racking up too many "points". When the result is consistent across a number of schools, it probably is true that the application somehow signalled a sense of duty and entitlement rather than excitement and intellectual energy. (Teachers and guidance counselors may have to shoulder some of the blame, too. Not all of them have learned that "hard working" is not high praise at elite colleges.)
I suspect it's also important to communicate some individuality, a little rebellion, a sense that the student is making his own choices, for his own reasons, rather than following a path others have laid down. Thinking outside the box, questioning authority. It's all part of the same message. Of course, I haven't read your son's applications, but that's certainly not how YOU present him.
I also agree with garland. Applying to eight Ivies, Stanford, MIT, and your state flagship isn't a thoughtful admissions strategy. There are more great colleges than that out there, most of which have somewhat fewer applicants per admissions slot, and therefore are more likely to accept a high-quality applicant. And you can't have the attitude that they are not "better" colleges, because they are.