twomules

In your lead paragraph:
1. get rid of blessed. Carries a religious connotation
2. break up the soccer from the math. ...with the opportunity of being the captain of the soccer team. The experience on the soccer field ...to be physically strong and exemlplary. (I think you need a better word than exemplary)However, being the captain of the math league team taught me what leadership truly is about.
3. second paragraph: Skip the one of the few asians part. Go straight to something like Still not knowing what was involved, I ran for and was elected captain of the math team. Eventually...
4. third paragraph: drop the asian remark again - you don't want to participate in stereotyping. Not sure if the magical 1+1 thing is a math joke or trick that other will know. Who is reading this and if not mathy, this reference might not work. I motivated many of those students... The next step was ( the rest of the story is in the past tense so you need to change is to was). For the car wash, I would use a word such as operated or held. I am assuming you used Alma Mater in place of your school name just for staying unknown here on CC. If not, in the final essay, use your school name.

Otherwise, I think you should be proud of what you did with the math team. Good job!

Please excuse any spelling problems. I am really tired.