| My high school boyfriend was a wonderful guy. His parents very much approved of me and my parents very much approved of him. So everyone was happy. But halfway through college I decided that I did not think he was the person I wanted to marry. There was nothing substantial I could point to as a reason--just a general sense that he wasn't who I wanted for a husbsand. When I broke up with him, it was pretty tough on both of us for a while. Our parents were upset too.
After some years had passed, he got engaged. I was grief-stricken even though I was already happily married. Why? Well, I came to realize that part of what had attracted me to him years ago was the promise of having a big, happy family that would love and support me. You see, he had the kind of nuclear family I wished I had had and I really wanted to be part of it. For one thing, his parents had liked me and approved of me much more than my own parents did. The grief I felt was not the loss of him, but the loss of a dream that was never to be.
My advice to you is to separate out whatever thoughts, feelings and issues relate to her family and yours because these can confuse you. |