pmyen

I am sorry to hear what happened. As Melissa's guardian, I am sure you are very concerned about her. I am not a psychiatrist, but am in the medical field and am a parent. I would be very concerned about her distorted concept of being accepted or rejected by Harvard. Disappointment yes. But otherwise, it should have any bearing on how she should feel about herself fundamentally. She is a very accomplished student and a valued person. She needs to recognize that.

I truly think that she will meet a lot of disappointment in life if she continues to define her self worth and "success" in terms of others' validation. It may be difficult to reason with her now. However, emphasize that going to a prestigious college is a privilege not a right, and she has been accepted by two of the most prestigious schools in the U.S. where she will get an outstanding education, provided she can fully embrace that experience. Perhaps tell her that some people that were rejected may be better qualified than those that got in-just the vagaries of the admissions process Also tell her, sometimes students choose Brown or Stanford over Harvard, I know several people who have done that. They saw something in these schools that attracted them enough to decide to go somewhere other than Harvard. Finally, tell her she should not let where you go to school define who you are. It almost seems like she is looking for a "designer" college to wear, and a particular one at that. Unfortunately, it has become a very unhealthy obsession. I am concerned enough to suggest that she should get professional help. If you PM me, I may be able to suggest some good people in the Boston area who work with adolescents or who can refer her to the appropriate person.

Another option is for her to hold to her place at one of the schools she is accepted to, and defer a year. As a parent, I might suggest Brown, only because it is closer to home. Finally, ask, right now, is she emotionally ready for college anywhere? I think getting a year's perspective, becoming emotionally healthy, and being EXCITED about attending two of the top schools in our country, would be very useful for her. Going to Brown or Stanford are tremondous opportunities and should help her get to wherever she wants to go (?Rome as one poster put it). However, she needs to be in the right frame of mind to be able to make the most of her special opportunities.

I hope that Melissa can make a good recovery, and your whole family will get through this difficult experience.