| My kid is also attending a competitive-admission magnet program. It's a very academically intense program and most of the kids had never seen a "B" before they entered the program-they were all "star students" with lots of awards: That's why they were admitted. Then they get their first "B"s and "C"s. A few find this so devastating to their self-esteem that they stop trying. This sounds like what may be going on with your son. (You see the same phenomena at the top colleges at the end of first marking period of freshman year, except it's the kids who went to less academically competitive high schools and are used to being #1.) If he is also coping socially with being an immigrant, and with the slower maturational process that afflicts many 10th grade boys (with the resulting impact on cognitive functioning)-well, anyone might be depressed.
The kids who cope best at this kind of intense program are the ones who decide that excelling at one or two subjects suffices. They develop other passions that are rewarding in a non-academic context-music, debating, student govt., whatever... They find friends who value them for who they are. Most important of all, they don't feel that they have let their parents down.
My suggestions:
1) He needs to be assured that there are many excellent schools out there besides the big brand name schools. And his parents need to support that.
2) He needs to accept that there is no shame in being in the middle of the pack of a group of super smart kids. And his parents need to support that.
3) You and he should talk to the magnet program's guidance counselor. He is not the first kid to 'hit the wall' and the counselor can provide perspective and useful coping strategies for everyone in the family.
4) If he were my kid, he would be required to attend school and I would remove the computer except for homework under my supervision until he demonstrates that he has resumed his commitment to learning.
5) If this program is too intense, he needs to move to another high school. If his local public high school is reasonably good, he will find plenty of challenges there, and a fresh start.
Good luck to you. I know this must be terribly painful and frightening for both of you. Keep in mind that one of the best things about the American educational system is the number of excellent schools for kids who had a difficult time in high school, and the number of 'second chances' that kids get, if they don't do well academically. |