| The helpful reader should criticize, not rewrite.
The helpful reader will also give advice, not just criticise other poster's efforts (be they recommended or not) to assist the OP in their dilemma.
The smart writer will not accept the wholesale rewriting of passages, the loss of her genuine "voice"--forms of expression uniquely her own.
The smart writer will note that the first reply post in this thread is the result of only one reader's opinion and the copying of it would thus disallow any kind of breadth or depth to be gained through other responses. The smart writer will go on to recognise that such an act would be known as plagiarism, and as a literary enthusiast would vehemently denounce all deeds of the like.
My advice:
- Try and find a few different wordings for "fantasy world". It's great to centre your essay around it and keep bringing things back to that issue, but reading the same phrase more than twice or three times within a few paragraphs tends to make readers actually take note of the fact that you have used it two or three times, which you don't want.
- "It is my foundation of living, my peace of mind, my everything." Personally (and this is just me) I would lose or rephrase this sentence. It's a fine idea and people can see what you're getting at, but I know a lot would see it as a little too exaggerated or overblown. Others might also see it as an indicator that you don't actually base yourself in reality. Extreme, I know, but it happens. Perhaps something along the lines of, "your intellectual or imaginative grounding", or "your incorruptible, creative foundations" or "your moral utopia". I don't know. I'm really not a writer. Those probably just sounds ridiculous. Just something less grandiose, perhaps. Not your "everything", as I'm sure there are other aspects of your life that do keep you grounded and stable.
- cooledge's idea was good. See if you can work in a little imagery or some other literary devices. Try working characters or landscapes or depictions into the very telling of the essay. You're trying to show the readers that passion for literature and creative writing you have, so show it to them by doing it. Write creatively. Put a bit of your fantasy world into it. And good luck! |