Quote:
|
Generally, though, I am skeptical about giving advice. I prefer to actually criticize, in the sense of find fault or point out possible deficiencies. The writer, in choosing whether or not to make corrections, and how to make them, is then giving expression to his/her own voice, rather than being influenced by the "advice" (possible corrections, ways to solve the identified problem) given in the voice of others.
|
Whatever your advice-giving/criticizing/etc. ideology may be, either post something relevant and helpful or keep your mouth shut and ego deflated. You're only aggravating the situation and hijacking this thread.
That argument aside...
To the writer: use a more seasoned vocabulary. The essay, while clear, is a tad on the bland side. Experiment with new wordings, polish your voice, and refine the language in your essay to keep your reader's attention. I admit I found myself slightly bored after the first few sentences (which should hook your reader and hold onto him!), which led me to alleviate the rising tension in this thread in bypassing your essay, moving on to subsequent posts, and posting what I did above, before returning to your essay. In short, make it lively and ensnaring! Retain my interest and it will be a successful essay.