| "I agree, but I'm 45. My teen-ager thinks talking about his strengths and experience is brown-nosing. He has an interview in three weeks, and I'm just thinking about how to prepare him for it. I told him he'll need to research the company, etc. He acted like I asked him to cut off an arm."
I went through all of this with my younger S, who was by nature modest and shy (just as I was when I was young). Now that I think about it, I remember going through this with my mother when I was young. I thought my mother was over the top for suggesting that I research companies and sell myself in interviews.
I thought all of that until I noticed that when I did such things, I got opportunities -- opportunities that didn't happen for friends who didn't have moms who insisted that they do things differently. I also noticed that when I did things my way, I didn't get opportunities. After a while, I realized that mom had a very good understanding of how the world works and what I needed to do to get opportunities.
S learned some things the hard way when he -- at the strong urging of friends -- ran for some offices, but didn't campaign nor do anything to get votes. He seemed to think that because he was sincerely interested in the positions because he wanted to make a difference, and because he had a very strong record of doing community service, being loyal to organizations, etc., that he would win. He thought it would be crass to solicit votes because S thought things like that shouldn't be popularity contests.
Both times, his opponents -- who had weak records in terms of actually doing things that made differences -- but spent lots of time soliciting votes and bragging about what they planned to do -- won the elections. It didn't matter that S had done more real work that had made a difference at the school.
I agree that the OP should express empathy for her daughter, and should listen to her D's feelings. However, I also think the OP shouldn't wait more than a day or 2 to suggest that her D contact the people who made the decision to find out how the D could be a stronger candidate in the future.
In expressing empathy for the D, I also think the mom shouldn't say things like, "What bad luck" because that would indicate that the D has just repeatedly been a victim of fate. If someone keeps getting passed over for opportunities, there's a good chance that more than bad luck is the cause. The sooner the person finds out how to improve, the better. |