| slater6661 - My post was just one feedback point. There is a slice of the world out there that represents my view, and whether you agree with it or not, my feedback is something to keep in mind when trying to write to a certain audience (such as college admissions officers).
You had an opportunity to share a moment from your life that defines you as a potential _great_ candidate for a school... this experience may not have been the right topic, or at least how you presented it.
Best of luck,
Annika
PS - I read your essay to my husband (Berkeley, Math/Computer Science - works in Silicon Valley as computer programmer) - and his "slice" of the population had a similar view. I read it to him w/o stating ahead of time my thoughts, but his echoed mine exactly. I'm just stressing the point that you are likely lacking some perspective, as in you are too close the topic to "see" how others might view and interpret your experience. The situation *is* a growing point in your life, but it did not come across well in the essay. |