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Old 05-09-2008, 02:04 PM   #9
paying3tuitions
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: suburb of buffalo
Posts: 3,103
Quote:
some at his school, have indicated that he may be resisiting his work because he is intimidated by his folks.
Based on what evidence do the schoolfolks suggest this? I thought: maybe the schoolfolks are intimidated by his folks' pedigree, and are merely projecting that onto your son. They've only heard him brag to his friends; that's not enough to make a causal connection that it's the reason he's not performing maximally himself.

There's not enough communication here to satisfy me. At best, consider the teachers' comments as hypothetical heads-up, and a chance to initiate a warm-spirited conversation between you and S at home to see if there's any truth here, and if so, stand on your heads to reassure him that you know he's smart, but it's time to start performing a bit on his own genetic fabric. Explain to him that it's off-putting to drop names about colleges. Many h.s. teachers have solid educations from a wide range of universities. They honestly don't appreciate hearing pedigrees dropped in conversation to impress. They did your S a service if all this does is lets you teach him not to do that.

My instinct is that "immaturity in overdrive" could be the real story. He is trying to tell his friends he's smart, and choosing to do it this way instead of by making the grades.

My pathway to discuss this (uh oh, a pathway) would be to tell S at home that he IS smart, can't not be, but that's not the point. Does he want others to know he's smart? Of course he does, we all want respect. What are the ways to show that? (well, one way to NOT do it is to coattail on parents' diplomas). Maybe you'll get him to say he has to show his own merit. The face-saving thing is that you know this is a developmental stage and needn't be a permanent way he relates to others.

To me, it sounds like he's making a social faux-pas around school, the teachers picked up on it, he's insecure, and he'll outgrow it if you help him supportively.
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