| It was a good article to discuss with the kids-primarily because it annoyed me.
I think the rationalizations provided by those who preferred to lie to their kids were just that-and not defensible. If you did things in your youth that you regret, you own up to them, explain why you regret it and express the hope that your kids will learn from your mistake and make better choices. No kid is too young to understand that their parents were once kids who made bad choices sometimes too. It isn't necessary to go into the details of one's sex life (as several mothers seemed to think) in order to make the point that you did something that you wish you hadn't done. And comparing this kind of lie to fairy tales or the 'Santa myth' is also silly-kids understand the differernce between made up stories and your personal reality. And the fact that you made these 'bad' choices does not 'give your kid permission' to do the same, unless you downplay or glamorize it.
If you want to make sure your kids feel that they can come to you when they screw up, they need to know you are not perfect either. And they need to have 100% confidence that you will be truthful. If you don't want to talk about something, at least be honest enough to say, "I'm not comfortable discussing this with you." This is how you teach integrity. |