| If you are miserable, there's nothing at all wrong with throwing in the K-State towel and going somewhere else. You are doing amazing things, notably by continuing on with school even though it's more difficult than I could ever imagine, and with a drive like yours you are bound to succeed. Just think about it--if you've done this well somewhere that totally sucks, imagine going somewhere that DOESN'T totally suck.
If you want to stay at K-State, find some way to make it work for you. Do you know any black professors that could help you navigate the school system? Administrators? RAs? Do you have any type of diversity office? If you don't have a diversity (in the race sense) office, you could try your LGBT resource center. At Mizzou, the LGBT center is used by heterosexual people more than LGBT people and those that work there really know how to deal with oppression, depression, and crappy situations in general. You could also try your academic advisors and counseling center. They are there to help you succeed--no one wants to see you fail!
Maybe there's a non-Panhellenic or historically black sorority you could join to increase your peer group? How about something in your major? Sports? A job off campus? Volunteering at a local school? Creating a dance team?
Most importantly, don't give up. You've come waaaaayyy too far to give up now if you want to stay at K-State.
If you've given it your all and gotten nothing in return and can't deal with the racism you're facing (who could blame you, it sounds miserable) then I would seriously look into switching schools. Could you transfer to KU and keep the same type of aid? Sometimes if the schools are in the same system it's easier to transfer, but KU may be more expensive. What's your major? If you're really thinking about switching and want to stay in the midwest, you should take a good look at Mizzou. While I personally have few friends that are black, I see many black kids on campus all the time. We have scholarship programs designed especially for minorities and have a black culture center that holds lots of cool events. Otherwise, maybe a predominantly black college or university would be a good option for you too. You could have better luck finding merit aid or better rates for your student loans by going there.
Bottom line: fight fight fight. Find someone--anyone!--to be on your side and work with you. Teacher, mentor, friend, boss, the list goes on. Decide where you're going to go next year, set some goals, and make them happen.
You can do it.
All the best,
Kristin |