| I see the OPs stance as exposing the teen child to an experience... it just happens to be through a volunteer-like opportunity. Two summers ago with my 13 year old, I knew if I didn't arrange his summer, he'd spend 15 hours a day on the computer. I also knew that it would be no fun for me to nag him every day to do something OTHER than computers and I knew that it would boil down to constant arguments over how many hours per day of computers is too much. What I did instead was sign him up for 2 different boy scout camps (a fairly normal summer for him), heavily "encourage" him to sign up for 1 more week of volunteering a cub scout camp, and then on top of that he spent one week at one set of grandparents and two weeks at another set of grandparents. (There was computers at the grandparents, but the change of pace and social aspects of the visits meant it was greatly reduced.) So far, so good - busy 6 out of the 12 weeks of vacation. Then, on the other 6 weeks, I made sure he had about 1 - 2 hours of outdoor chores to do each day (walk the dogs, deal with the yard, etc). My husband gave him 1 - 2 hours a day of computer challenges (programming). Whatever time was leftover, we pretty much let him be.
He survived. He also got a fair amount of computer gaming inbetween all the scheduled activities. I'd have it no other way. I see what the OP did with arranging 3 weeks of volunteer duty as a reasonable response to the tendency for *some* teens to be very undirected over the summers. I disagree with the teen poster who made it sound like these kinds of directed activites (volunteering, church on Sundays, etc) as a misguided effort with no long term payoff. The teen poster (and my teen son) do not have the ability to see how these things play out long term. Sometimes the lessons learned are not what is learned in the moment... I also as a teen was required to attend church every Sunday and thought it was pointless. Long term, as an adult, I realize that my parents were walking-the-walk in terms of religious values... even if I chose as an adult to not live that way, I knew deep deep deep in my bones that this is what my parents believed and that they were consistant and true to their beliefs. Had they allowed me to stop going to church as a surly teen... they would not have been parenting me from a consistant set of values. Merely knowing that my parents were consistant and true has been a valuable compass for me to compare all my actions against, even when I chose differently. This lesson is something that many teens, and dare I say, the teen poster, is unable to appreciate or truly understand in in the moment.
I applaud OPs decision. Parenting isn't a perfect art, and sometimes as parents we tilt too far one way or the other, but overall an aware parent makes courses corrections as needed. We need to trust our children are resiliant and resourceful and will weather any well-meaning decision that might have been too exhuberant one direction or the other. Is 3 weeks of volunteering too much? I doubt it. But, if at the end of this summer that is what the OP concludes, the child will have survived and grown (even if the child doesn't recognize it yet) and the OP can course correct in the future.
Annika |