paying3tuitions

On Oldfort's suggestion, I'd add a bit. Personally, I was disappointed in the whole realm of "call and make sure the parents will be home." As a newcomer to an upscale suburb, I didn't have working relationships with most of the parents of my kids' school friends. When I phoned, as I did each time in 9th and l0th grades, sure enough they all said, "We'll be home, of course!"

In actual fact, some of the "at homes" circulated through the parties periodically and knew what was going on. which meant what was going on was within some frame of healthiness. These were happy gatherings, according to my S, and he developed many friends.

Others hid in their Master Bedroom Suites all night, while the kids drank significant amounts, the party size grew like topsy, S returned home from one having been literally spun in circles and given several kinds of alchohol all while the parents were home, hiding somewhere I guess. Big houses.

So, it's a question of what a parent means when they say, "I'll be home during the party." I'd suggest to ask a bit beyond that, but thoughtfully. People take insult very quickly when a parent whom they don't know begins to question them about what they do in their own home. It's very delicate, and easy to offend when you don't know the people, yet care about your kid's welfare. I did my best to be dilligent, but polite with an extra question or maybe 2, not a full interrogation!

After a few experiences, my S began to ask for himself what would be the atomosphere of the party, and went to some but not others. He'd say (by senior year..) I'm going to this party, here's the address and phone, and the parents will be home...He was ready for me to check in on it, but I didn't because I could see he was self-censoring his choices. That was the best result of all. He declined more invitations than he accepted, but was using his own standards by then. We had people over here, as well, on occasions like a birthday or cast party. I never met a single parent face-to-face in all those years of his h.s., but am not active at the PTA or school events level, which I admire in parents.

He didn't like the over-the-top nasty parties, but got to enjoy some nice times in some nice homes before leaving for college. The difference wasn't whether or not the parents are home (they all were) but how the parents interacted with the party throughout the evening.