Sorry John, I was just being facetious when I said that. Ditto with the "pity me" thing and the poetry contest. (I did win one...but it was intended for middle-schoolers! Kind of an inside joke, my bad.) I hope you don't think I'm a jerk.
I'll have to check, but it looks like my early-life crisis here will be rendered moot anyway by the fact my mom has already paid her part of the bill. Thanks to those who have offered advice.