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College costs and how much the family should pay are a big item of dispute in many families where both parents raised the child. It is a point in contention in many families where other things are harmonious. There is no surprise that it can be an issue for a step parent.
Ideally, before two people get married, finances should be discussed and planned. If there are already children involved, it becomes more complex. College is a big financial item and should be discussed. Should it be a deal breaker if a person does not want to pay more than $X towards college? I don't know. Individual choice.
More often, the issue does not come up. It is in the future and who knows what it will bring, it isn't on the list of immediate issues, it doesn't occur to the couple. So it comes down to college time and there is disagreement on who should pay what. With colleges firmly saying that stepparents are on the hook. That is just the way it is regardless of what anyone's opinion of that stance.
To the OP: Ask your step parent to fill out the FAFSA and other forms, because even if your family is not eligible for financial aid, it makes you eligible for the unsubsidized Stafford loan which is one of the few loans available to students without a co signer. You need to discuss with your parents what funds are available for college. This is a discussion that is important in any, every family. You are constrained by what your parents including step parents are willing to pay, and what you can come up with yourself if you do not get financial or merit money.
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