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this thing is huge! I stopped reading when you talked about hot air balloons. Not because it was bad, but because this is sooo long.
Anyways, my impressions from the first few paragraphs:
-you seem conflicted in your style. You mention the tragic news about the stroke, but then you talk about significantly lighter topics. It's decent comic relief, but colleges may be a bit confused by your lack of seriousness.
-Your father seems kind of extreme, and colleges might be worried if some of that rubbed off on you (which is kind of supported by you writing whatever you think in your essay).
-You say you don't want to go away for college (I skimmed the ending), but will you apply to colleges far away? Or is this just an application essay for your local college?
I really don't have the authority to make many more comments than these, as I have little experience writing with/editing very personal essays. My three things listed above are just some things to consider.
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