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I just wrote a very long response to your essay and then my computer bugged out and its gone. This will be concise. I loved your essay. Amazing. Honest. Just Great. BUT, you are taking a HUGE risk. Your essay will be loved or hated. First, save your essay. Do not just change it. It is amazing. You should keep it. In a new copy, cut out all talk of masturbation, sex, and your dad's political incorrectness. Shorten the essay a bunch. KEEP THE TOPIC. Colleges love these topics, generally, and you can be very honest and emotional. You can show great writing skills in this essay. Ask yourself after every paragraph whether what you have written is necessary and purposeful, not just good. Everything you have written is pretty good, but a lot needs to go. I'd cut out the mention to the pop culture stuff of the time. Not all that necessary, although it does set the stage, and it takes up space. Focus a lot on how you have grown. How you are now responsible. You work hard... how you have changed etc.
uhg I wish my last post hadn't gotten deleted. Since I am rewriting things I can't remember what I have said, what I haven't, and I am probably repeating myself.
Nevertheless, I loved it. But clean it up to make it a college essay instead of just a really great, but rather inappropriate for a college essay, piece of writing.
I'm so sorry about your father. BTW, I don't think earlier posters read your essay, because had they, they would have commented on how amazing and honest it is.
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