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Lol, I actually prefer your first one over your second. I had no idea what you were talking about when I read your sentence for the first time, but it certainly did catch my attention and served its purpose that way. I would be intrigued enough to read the rest of your essay just to find out what you're talking about. As long as you don't phrase the entire essay like that, I think you're fine. I actually really like this start to an essay because it paints an amusing but effective image; it's just the convoluted wording that makes it confusing.
The only problem I have is the word "preface", which literally means to write an introdution... maybe a different word choice?
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