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Old 07-02-2009, 12:16 AM   #11
thefool
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Buffalo NY -> Cornell 2013
Posts: 119
Your problem here is that your telling us rather than showing us what "they" did.

Instead of being like "they always started their conversations delicately, saying _______", you give us a confusing analogy. Tell us what they did, not what it was like.
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