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Old 07-02-2009, 01:56 PM   #19
xrCalico23
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 276
Your intros are all fine as long as the rest of your essay is clear and engaging. If you're going to use that kind of an opening line, just make sure your next few lines elaborate on it a little more and show clearly what you mean. We can't really tell how exactly to start your essay. First of all, I don't know how the rest of your essay is like. Secondly, each person has a unique and distinctive writing style and that's an important part of an application essay. Write the way you think, don't pretend and don't change your essay too much based on other people's criticism.

If I'm starting that same essay, I personally would use the sandwich analogy and then carry it on a little more like an extended metaphor, in which I depict a specific situation where someone was trying to phrase something to be politically correct with such caution or hesitation that he or she reminds you of that image that you've just described. I would probably describe my response to it and somehow tie it to the main point of my essay. It may be tricky, but I think it would be kind of cool if you can pull it off.
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