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The school sent you a mailing on the PSAT, and will do the same for SAT's I would assume. Our school isn't that organized, but they do announce these things to the kids. At least in our town, parents don't really even get involved in the timing of the SAT's that our kids take. Just go with the PSAT in the fall, SAT sometime in the spring, and let the school tell your kids. Try to let your kids register and "own" the process a little.
We never even had the AP tests reported to the schools (and these were very good schools), I don't think. I'm not even sure. They don't affect admission that much, I don't think. In our school, the only consequence with AP's is that students don't get the "weighted" AP grade if they don't take the AP tests, so it affects graduating GPA, which goes to the colleges in the final transcript, but that is after admission (for most AP's). Some colleges do let students take more advanced courses by getting exemptions from the intros, but even at a top Ivy school many kids opt to still start with the intro courses, so as to start off in a more low stress manner (and most likely to get better grades).
With all 3 of our kids, in Feb. of junior year, we did an introductory visit to 3 schools in the same area of our state, that are very different: small versus big, state U. versus small LAC, artsy/alternative versus academic/conventional etc. We let the choices this visit presented sort of settle, and then visited one or two in April, and maybe 3 in the summer.
By the early fall of senior year, things were getting serious, and we looked at whatever schools remained, or went in for a closer look by spending more time and maybe the student attending classes.
We kept choices down to 4-5.
They did their applications in stages with the first stage maybe in October, but essays and other time-consuming parts of the application were done a week before the deadline.
I think it is good not to let this whole process permeate their lives too much. Some of these contacts w/schools motivate kids who are not as motivated, but too much focus on the future can rob the present a little. I also think it is good to give the kids maximum control, stepping in only as needed. Kids vary in what they tolerate or need, but we can follow their lead, not our own.
I know you are feeling that it will be less anxiety-producing to be early on everything, but you should follow that only if your kids feel the same way. Emotional comfort for parents needs to be less important than autonomy for the kids. It is hard, and I sympathize, but just a note of caution.
My son was showing little interest and was treating me like a nag. I told him that it was fine with me if he worked for a year, that if he did some research and figured out where and when he would like to visit, I would see if it fit in my schedule (and I don't really have much of a schedule, unlike you). I came back to the house and he had made a list and color coded it, and had looked into visiting several. He just graduated from an Ivy and is working in CA. so it all worked out.
I would try to relax while you still can!
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