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Old 07-04-2009, 02:09 PM   #29
'rentof2
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,042
I know kids like the OP's son. They are undeniably very, very intelligent, but for whatever reasons do not do well with repetitive tasks, assignments that feel unproductive for them, staying organized about due dates, etc. My own kid is probably a bit less naturally gifted intellectually, but he has a good work ethic and it has served him well.

That said, I don't think in all cases being the "perfect parent" who constantly impresses on a kid the value of a hard day's work is going to make a cat into a dog... if you know what I mean. Cats go their own way, dogs labor and please. Some kids are just who they are.

That said, I think Northstarmom is right on the money. It will fall into place when it makes sense for *them*. Not everyone has to be a lawyer or a scientist or an astronaut. What matters is that kids find a way to feel productive and happy in the world. The capacity of doing scut work increases as the point of doing it becomes clearer. For some kids that happens long after high school. Sometimes long after college. There is so much heavy judgement in this thread.

As for public versus private colleges; my hard-working responsible son is at an elite private LAC. My also hard-working but more naturally "gifted" (that word makes me puke, by the way) daughter chose the flagship state u. honors college. She likes the larger environment, the more diverse student body, and the 'real world' ambiance. She did her first year of college at a regional state u, because she wanted to start college very early and I thought she was too young to leave home. Even at that school, she quickly learned where the great professors were, took challenging classes, and had a great year. She met other really smart students, got in involved in activities outside the classroom, and was very happy.

I agree with the earlier poster that said finding a school where your son can be happy and enjoy where he is, make friends, etc. is probably the best path. He'll either do well there or he won't, but it will be up to him. Maybe he'll end up taking some time off and going back to school later on when he knows for himself what he wants to accomplish there. Nothing wrong with that. Life is long and full of twists and turns.

I don't think the point is really going to be, so much, finding the perfect college though. I mean, finding something with a lot of nature seems important if it will make him feel happy there, but honestly if a student is looking for quality in their education they can find it almost anywhere. And if they're not, it won't matter that much where they go.

A kid I know had so-so grades, great test scores, and he got into an elite private college. He's not doing very well there and may not last much longer if he doesn't get his act together. Whatever issues caused him to be careless or dismissive of what was required of him in high school, those issues have naturally gone with him to college. Still, I'm pretty sure this kid will eventually sort all of this out. He may end up taking some time out and returning to a state school later in life, but when he does he'll do great there.

Nearly all those smart cats become more dog-like as they get older and identify what they want to accomplish for themselves. And maybe some don't and they end up living below what other people believe is their potential. Well, that is still up to them -- it always was and it always will be. That's really their business. They get to define happiness and success for themselves.
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