navy2010

Not so sure this is a time for some "tough love-"
I suspect things are tough enough.

There was a time those entering Tango were tango'ed right out. No counseling, no guidance, no nothing- just pack your bags while the paperwork gets processed, and right out Gate 3 you go.

Not so anymore.
Your plebe will be separated out from the rest of the class- well, not totally separated, but more like out on the periphery. They will sit at a separate table in King Hall, off in a different section, and screened from the rest of the group. They will live in a separate wing in Bancroft. They will still dress, still report, but other than that, they will be excused from the other usual plebe activities.

The whole point of Tango is to give them a break from the (perceived) pressure cooker they have been experiencing. There will be no yelling, no demands other than very basic order in the ranks. They will be together as a group, regardless of numbers. They will be assigned to not one squad leader, but several. They will have an opportunity to talk, or not talk. They will have the opportunity to speak to a whole host of people, all trying to make sure their decision, either way, is an informed one.

Will share one story.
During BGO training last summer, I got to see Tango up close and personal. Over the course of a few days, some of the faces I had seen sitting at tables were no longer there. "Where did they go?" I asked. Seems 2 had returned to the rigors of plebe summer, while the other decided this was not for him.

I remember seeing that plebe the day just prior- as luck would have it, I passed right past him and his detailer (cadre last year) outside Bancroft in the vicinity of the Barber Shop. It was a hot day, and those familiar with the yard will recognize this spot as a shady place to sit and catch a slight breeze. Anyway, this particular plebe caught my attention as he was obviously stressed beyond belief, on the phone pleading with his parents to let him come home. He did not care where he ended up, as long as it was not Annapolis. The phone call ended abruptly from what I could see, and what was left was not pretty. This poor kid was sobbing uncontrollably, bent over unable to breathe. The cadre had his hands full just trying to get the kid to calm down before he passed out. It was positively gut wrenching.

On the last day of training, I happened upon that same cadre, only this time minus his charge. I inquired as to what happened to his plebe, and was told, very briefly, that he left. It would be another few days before I heard that the kid had, indeed, left, only not to home. His family told him not to bother- he was no longe welcomed. I would also hear that he ended up at a sponsor's home in Annapolis, a hasty and temporary arrangement, until things could be sorted out. No Annapolis, no home, and no plan as to what is next. But I also heard it didn't matter- he wanted out that bad.

I had heard stories like this before, but witnessing it made me realize that the kid is not the one with the problem, it is “us.”

This kid knew this was not for him. Probably never was. Perhaps he thought it was what he wanted, or what his parents wanted for him, but whatever it was, he realized this life was not for him. Sometimes you just "know."

The moral of the story?
As hard as it is, as much as we wish it for them, as encouraging and supportive as we are, it is, and has always been, their choice. It is their life, and thier choice to live it as they see fit. And there is life outside USNA.

So hold off on the tough love. Guide, support, and most importantly-accept. Forgive if you have to. In the end, that is about all you can do. You trusted their decision when they tossed their hat into this pressure cooker in the first place, now trust them when and if they decide it is not for them. It is not the end of a life's work- hardly, it is just the beginning, only in a different direction. As hard as that is for parents, truth be told the world will still turn, the sun will still rise and set, and your son and daughters will still be the same great kids that made it in to the USNA in the first place, and no one can ever take that away from them. Our job- to love them, unconditionally.