Ohio Mom, thank you for posting this situation. First, I'm having sympathetic heartache for you as you strike that balance between being there with constructive advice/compassion and stepping back to allow your DD find her own way. Since my DD is a year behind yours, I can't offer any real advice that would be better than our resident sages already have. All the best to you and your DD as she works through this.
It's great that this forum offers a place for conversations regarding issues beyond school searches and admissions. Those are certainly vital topics, and I benefited from the insights posted. I'm grateful that there's room for discussions that cover topics that crop up once our kids are on their educational journey. Thanks to all for both bringing up questions and for posting such thoughtful answers!