I'm sure you didn't intend your post to sound so disparaging of the countless students getting an excellent education at their instate publics -- where even those getting financial aid are still attending at great cost to their families, students working summers and during the term, and taking out loans to boot.
My daughter is having an excellent educational experience, and life experience, at her in-state public. For a family like yours with the means to pay for it, it's a bargain at the price. Really state universities are subsidies for the affluent. Count your blessings!