Please help me out!
Ok guys just for a heads up, this is kind of going to be a long one.
Hey everyone, just to give a little background about myself:
Im in my third year at a small university in rural northern New York. My gpa after 2.5 years of undergrad is 2.73. Yea I know, it sucks. While I am doing better this semester, its not a 4.0. The reasons for this poor performance is a combination of family problems, depression for my lack of success, and the most important - failing to balance my social life.
In high school I was a pretty socially awkward kid, I didn't really have to much friends. When I came to college, I worked on myself to be more sociable and more socially calibrated, with that said I lost sight of what was important with this sudden increase in my social life.
Now I look back realize that I should have been so much more, I should have worked so much harder and I hate it that I put myself in this position, but there is no use crying over what I can't change, instead im trying to see how I can make the best of my future. The problem is that I don't know how. Everytime I sit down to study, I keep thinking about how screwed I am, my stupid 2.73 gpa. I know I can do well if I gave it my 100%, I guess I have no motivation to do so after my dismal performance and I can't let this continue.
If any of you have any advice on how to overcome this feeling, please help me out?
Second thing is that I have been suffering socially because of this. I have reduced the amount of time I go out etc, and I am doing a little better but as I said I have a long ways to go. Perhaps a change in environment would help me because I am generally unhappy at my university. Since I already started my third year there are only a handful of places that I can still transfer too. Among them, I am strongly leaning towards UBC in Vancouver since its biology program offers a plethora of courses and electives (far more than my current uni),pretty highly ranked, and has several other interesting courses and research options. I would have to spend an extra year but I could use that year as a GPA boost. The problem is that it is obviously in Canada and is different from American universities.
I was wondering if anyone knew the rigor of the microbiology program at UBC? How different is it from American university curriculum?
The third problem is that because of all this, I can't help but feel lonely when I see all of my other friends enjoying life, not having to deal with pressure. This is kind of going on a tangent here but ive noticed that I don't have the kind of value amongst my friends that I should. I want to be the fun, outgoing, funny guy that everyone wants to be around, lately its been tough to be like that around people and im doing my best. All of my friends are in relationships or getting some. I can't help but feel lonely when they tell me things about that or just see them. I wish I could experience that (Ive never been particularly good with women but im learning, partly because my strict Indian parents never approved of it in high school, so im light years behind after getting into that stuff coming into college as embarrassing as that sounds). There is a point to this, which is that its not helping while my friends are out there having fun while im stuck with studies unable to even focus and do well in it. I know I shouldn't let things like love and friends get in my way of doing well, but im human and I can't help but feel lonely especially since (despite my handle) ive never experienced things like love, sex, and being the "alpha male" amongst a group of friends.
If any of you have been where I have been socially, how did you put aside these feelings to focus on doing well in school?
Maybe its all in my head and I know that school should be my #1 priority, but I guess these things interfere with my ability to focus and I want to shut these feelings out. I know I come across sounding as a social loser whose desperate for love and sex, but thats really not the case. I have friends but I want to raise my social value amongst them, become a leader, the guy they all want to hang around and I can't do that if I feel like crap about myself. I want to experience things like love and romance since everyone else has but me, and I know that I deserve too but I can't if I feel like (once again)….crap about myself lol. There are people here who must do well in school, do research, volunteer, etc, yet have time to go out with a group of friends and get laid, or have a girlfriend. I want to be that guy.
If you guys have nothing important to say, or want to sarcastically mock me please leave that to people on SDN. If you guys have any input or any advice on how I can strengthen myself academically and socially I would really appreciate it.