I don't want to go to college anymore.
I really need help right now. I'm supposed to be starting college at Boston University in the fall but recently I realized that I just don't want to go to college right now. I DO want to go eventually (like next year) but just not NOW. BU is (was, I guess) my dream school. I love the city and I just thought it was the right school for me. Actually, maybe it still is.
The thing is, I've worked hard in high school. I got good grades, took hard courses, did extracurriculars and held a job for a year and a half. I don't think I want to go right back into all the hard work right away. I'm still so exhausted from high school. I just want a BREAK. Also, I've always really wanted to travel. I feel like life is too short to wait for these things. What if I die and never got the chance to do what I've always wanted to do? I want to see the world. I know it's morbid, but it's still a good point. Life is too short to hold things off. Shouldn't I just go for it?
And than there's the thing with money. My family is by no means wealthy. I wasn't going to go to BU in the first place because we honestly can't afford it. But with loans my parents and I are both responsible for, it could easily happen. My parents are willing to make it happen to do what they think will make me happy. But what if it doesn't and we both just wasted our money? What if after the first year I decide I really do hate it and just wasted $25,000 that my family and I have the pay off? We don't have the luxury to make those kind of mistakes. And yea, I could just wait until after college to see the world, but by than I'll have student loans to pay off and would have to find a job which wouldn't allow me the time to travel. Also, I have no idea what I want to do in life. At this point, I feel like I don't even know myself. I want to take a year to figure these things out and to figure out what I want out of life. I have $7,000 saved. I could do it.
My parents are OK with the gap year idea, they understand it. But they are completely against me travelling. Technically, it's not up to them but I understand and respect them. I went to the BU orientation(actually just came back today) and while It was good, it didn't feel right.
I'm talking to someone who runs a tour company who is giving me great ideas on what I could do abroad. I would work up until when I leave. When I got there, I could do WWOOF(work on organic farms in exchange for a place to live) and teach English.
I'm babbling and I'm sorry. But I really need help. I don't think these are normal pre-collegge nerves because it's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do and if I want to defer enrollment to BU, I have to have it in by August 1st. I just really don't know. I guess I just want opinions. I didn't know where to post this but I know alot of the parents are wise and know what they're talking about. I probably sound so naive...