| I guess I will go public with this now. My son hates his school. I mean truly despises it. Yes, the dream school which he chose above all others as an athletic recruit. He thinks it is a complete waste of money, that the kids are only there for a red carpet ticket to a high -paying job and that no one cares about LEARNING. He was supposedly getting his transfer applications ready, but either went into a depression, or stalled, or something. He and a friend (boarding school roommate and top athletic recruit) actually left school and went AWOL. They planned to simply go camping for a few months in the Utah wilderness. Fortunately, they made a half-way stop in Lafayette, IN and stayed with some former friends of my son's who I considered (in the past) absolute low-lifes. Well, these kids beat the two spoiled brat Ivy kids over the head and told them what they were throwing away and how disrespectful it was to their parents, friends, teachers etc to take this path. The other boy's dad (who I had to phone at 2:30am Tuesday) and I informed them that they were certainly welcome to go camp in Utah, but they wouldn't be doing it with our car and credit card (or cell phone). The former-low lifes (my new heroes) took the car keys and camping stuff and locked it up. After some reflection, the scholars are on their way back to campus today. My son is going to take a brief personal leave, come home, catch up on his work, regroup and get his transfer apps ready, including some to cheap state schools. His grades are excellent. The other kid is probably going to withdraw. These are boys who should have easily been able to handle the adjustment to college and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on "what goes wrong".
I think the freshman experience, paricularly at a large school (even an Ivy) can be very disappointing. Also, there is lots of free time, no adult mentor and a huge potential for substance abuse. My son expected intellectualism and what he got was grade-grubbing and pre-professionalism. He thought he wanted that, too, and discovered that he didn't. He wasn't able to participate in his sport (recruited) due to injury, which also affected the experience. The other boy, I think, fell victim to the intense demands of being a varsity athlete and didn't keep his grades up to his own standards. My son's teachers, with just a couple of exceptions, have been sub-par. He simply does not believe the EDUCATION at this school is worth the money. He said if you want to pay for the prestige and the degree, maybe it is worth it. I told him he needs to either really figure out where would be a better fit or else try out our state university and figure out to carve a path for himself there.
Research shows there is a huge incidence of depression in Ivy League freshmen. There is also a lot of denial. My son "doesn't need any help" and "doesn't abuse alcohol". Right. OK. I'm disappointed, but just want him to keep his options open. Anyone with a kid who is really miserable, get the transfer apps in- many are due March 1, many March 15. It is a pain in the a$$ to do them, so get going. |