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jazzymom · 02-21-2007, 10:21 PM

Momof2:

I also want to say thank you for posting your story. I know it must be hard to go public with such personal information, but you know, it really does help many people who are either dealing with a similar problem or who, like me, aren't dealing with it but don't see ourselves as out-of-the-woods yet with this child-raising gig. My college freshman seems "fine," but we don't get a lot of details about his life right now and who knows what might happen next year. It is so true that we moms will blame ourselves or doubt ourselves for the things that go wrong in our children's lives, whether it's fair and rational to do that or not. (I still kick myself that S1 didn't take a gap year off before going on to college, where he just turned 18 at the end of Sept.) He seems to be doing okay academically (lots of Bs first semester) and friendshipwise, but does he really have the maturity to benefit as much as I would like from his college education? I can only hope so.

I know how difficult it was for my friend, who's son dropped out of school, to watch his friends from high school go off to Princeton or USC or NYU and seem to be so much more together. But she and his dad stuck by him --- no tough love for this slacker --- and let him live at home while he dallied and worked and figured things out until he moved in with said older GF. Now, he has a goal and is working toward it and he is a terrific guy. He's thoughtful and loving, does the cooking at home, gets up at 6 a.m. to go to a job so he and GF can save money and is working at finishing up his two-year degree. He is going to be fine. Her husband, a doctor, never overstressed about what was happening. He's intelligent...he'll figure it out, he would say. They never gave up on him. They hope, of course, that he will be admitted to his top-choice four-year college, but they are pretty relaxed about it. There are a lot of choices out there. He'll be able to complete his four year somewhere. He will be able to make a life for himself and a future family. Sometimes it's necessary to take a deep breath and say, okay, there's more than one way to get from here to there.

02-21-2007, 10:21 PM	#52
jazzymom Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Threads: 23 Posts: 860	Momof2: I also want to say thank you for posting your story. I know it must be hard to go public with such personal information, but you know, it really does help many people who are either dealing with a similar problem or who, like me, aren't dealing with it but don't see ourselves as out-of-the-woods yet with this child-raising gig. My college freshman seems "fine," but we don't get a lot of details about his life right now and who knows what might happen next year. It is so true that we moms will blame ourselves or doubt ourselves for the things that go wrong in our children's lives, whether it's fair and rational to do that or not. (I still kick myself that S1 didn't take a gap year off before going on to college, where he just turned 18 at the end of Sept.) He seems to be doing okay academically (lots of Bs first semester) and friendshipwise, but does he really have the maturity to benefit as much as I would like from his college education? I can only hope so. I know how difficult it was for my friend, who's son dropped out of school, to watch his friends from high school go off to Princeton or USC or NYU and seem to be so much more together. But she and his dad stuck by him --- no tough love for this slacker --- and let him live at home while he dallied and worked and figured things out until he moved in with said older GF. Now, he has a goal and is working toward it and he is a terrific guy. He's thoughtful and loving, does the cooking at home, gets up at 6 a.m. to go to a job so he and GF can save money and is working at finishing up his two-year degree. He is going to be fine. Her husband, a doctor, never overstressed about what was happening. He's intelligent...he'll figure it out, he would say. They never gave up on him. They hope, of course, that he will be admitted to his top-choice four-year college, but they are pretty relaxed about it. There are a lot of choices out there. He'll be able to complete his four year somewhere. He will be able to make a life for himself and a future family. Sometimes it's necessary to take a deep breath and say, okay, there's more than one way to get from here to there.