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The most important piece of advice I can give to those of you who are worried about your kids is to listen to your intuition. If you think something is wrong, it probably is. Be proactive.
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Thank you, atempo. Your additional post has given me a resolve. I am headed down to DS' schools for a lax game. I am going to take/tell some of these stories. I am going to probe to be sure "ok, fine" is in fact okay and fine. I'm not sure I would have had I not had the privilege of this thread.