College Discussion - View Single Post - Musicians and Parents

team_mom · 05-16-2007, 10:05 AM

My Background- a recent steep incline
As a mom with no music background whatsoever (PhD-chemistry), I was pulled into this world by my oldest child. Several years ago I didn't know about music teachers, pre-colleges, summer music programs, concerto competitions, orchestras or conservatories. I now feel comfortable in this world and have acquired some experience that I feel could be helpful for people that find themselves where I was just a few years ago. There have been many great decisons along the way, together with a few misteps. I didn't have a college confidential resource to consult; but on the flip side-I didn't realize how much I didn't know!

My children-all 3 are musicians
My kids include a D, a performance major at Rice (woodwind), a HS S sophmore (brass) and another S, a 7-yr old (string.) My children have attended pre-college at Juilliard, been in many (at least 15 or more) of the NJ and NY Youth symphonies, attended Kinhaven, Tanglewood, SMI/Kennedy Center, Brevard, NY SMF, and prepare for auditions, recitals or competitions more often than I clean out my fridge! I still remember the first music fact I learned 6 years ago...get the best private music teacher you can..school is not enough. I laugh when I remember cringing at the thought of the money that would cost. A lifetime in 6 years.

What I have learned-
1) Your children must LOVE music to do it at this level. They have to drive it forward, not you. It is not for the meek, it is not for the uncertain. This level is hard work, long rehearsal hours, mad-cap dashes between concerts and rehearsals. (This month we have ~18 concerts, 30+ rehearsals and 10 conflicts including 2 unresolvable conflicts (with 2 unhappy conductors at how they were resolved).......but, I do have 3 kids doing this. My oldest saw it as exciting and fun and we learned together what it really entailed -although she still finds it exciting and fun! The younger ones knew exactly what kind of work it meant before they became involved, but chose to do so anyway. Lounging around in PJs watching TV on Saturday morning is sacrificed for a 7am train to Juilliard. They have to make these choices, not us. As the parent, you must always walk the precipice. Encouraging adn full of pride, but at the same time helping them understand if they should ever choose not to continue, you will be just as happy about them playing in the local chess tournament as you were in their playing 1st chair at Carnegie Hall. It's a fine line we walk. You don't want them to be afraid to decide it's not for them, for fear of disappointing you. It is their happiness we are after.

2) As the parent-facilitator (that's what I call myself) my job is critical. Organize applicatons, deadlines, auditions, etc, for summer programs, orchestras, colleges and competitions and in the meanwhile, get everyone everywhere they need to be, and with all the appropriate concert dress-CLEAN. And, of course, pay for it all! If you think your kids can do most of this themselves, you are right, they can. But remember, they are attending school, rehearsals, practicing, studying to get good grades and occasionally, getting together with their friends. It is the least I can do if they are working so hard!

The payback-
My kids LOVE what they do and are so happy! And when they are happy, they not only play well, but all aspects of their lives seem to go beautifully, including school. In the few free moments of their lives, I find them doing music anyway. It is their souls. We should all be lucky enough to discover what makes us glow and gives us unending energy at such a young age.

05-16-2007, 10:05 AM	#105
team_mom Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 134	My Background- a recent steep incline As a mom with no music background whatsoever (PhD-chemistry), I was pulled into this world by my oldest child. Several years ago I didn't know about music teachers, pre-colleges, summer music programs, concerto competitions, orchestras or conservatories. I now feel comfortable in this world and have acquired some experience that I feel could be helpful for people that find themselves where I was just a few years ago. There have been many great decisons along the way, together with a few misteps. I didn't have a college confidential resource to consult; but on the flip side-I didn't realize how much I didn't know! My children-all 3 are musicians My kids include a D, a performance major at Rice (woodwind), a HS S sophmore (brass) and another S, a 7-yr old (string.) My children have attended pre-college at Juilliard, been in many (at least 15 or more) of the NJ and NY Youth symphonies, attended Kinhaven, Tanglewood, SMI/Kennedy Center, Brevard, NY SMF, and prepare for auditions, recitals or competitions more often than I clean out my fridge! I still remember the first music fact I learned 6 years ago...get the best private music teacher you can..school is not enough. I laugh when I remember cringing at the thought of the money that would cost. A lifetime in 6 years. What I have learned- 1) Your children must LOVE music to do it at this level. They have to drive it forward, not you. It is not for the meek, it is not for the uncertain. This level is hard work, long rehearsal hours, mad-cap dashes between concerts and rehearsals. (This month we have ~18 concerts, 30+ rehearsals and 10 conflicts including 2 unresolvable conflicts (with 2 unhappy conductors at how they were resolved).......but, I do have 3 kids doing this. My oldest saw it as exciting and fun and we learned together what it really entailed -although she still finds it exciting and fun! The younger ones knew exactly what kind of work it meant before they became involved, but chose to do so anyway. Lounging around in PJs watching TV on Saturday morning is sacrificed for a 7am train to Juilliard. They have to make these choices, not us. As the parent, you must always walk the precipice. Encouraging adn full of pride, but at the same time helping them understand if they should ever choose not to continue, you will be just as happy about them playing in the local chess tournament as you were in their playing 1st chair at Carnegie Hall. It's a fine line we walk. You don't want them to be afraid to decide it's not for them, for fear of disappointing you. It is their happiness we are after. 2) As the parent-facilitator (that's what I call myself) my job is critical. Organize applicatons, deadlines, auditions, etc, for summer programs, orchestras, colleges and competitions and in the meanwhile, get everyone everywhere they need to be, and with all the appropriate concert dress-CLEAN. And, of course, pay for it all! If you think your kids can do most of this themselves, you are right, they can. But remember, they are attending school, rehearsals, practicing, studying to get good grades and occasionally, getting together with their friends. It is the least I can do if they are working so hard! The payback- My kids LOVE what they do and are so happy! And when they are happy, they not only play well, but all aspects of their lives seem to go beautifully, including school. In the few free moments of their lives, I find them doing music anyway. It is their souls. We should all be lucky enough to discover what makes us glow and gives us unending energy at such a young age.