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First of all, as you know, admissions this year are MUCH more competitive than they were even a few years ago. There is the baby bubble plus many non-US students competing for spots. So let your S/D know that it's a different environment than when their brother or sister applied to the school.
I think it's important to act like its not a big deal to you which school they get into. Like "school X is great, but I really liked school Y too. School X is great, but school Y and Z also have the sports program (or whatever that they were interested in)". Keep emotions and worries to yourself. If/when rejections come in, be very calm. Sometimes it can make kids feel even worse if they know that you're worried or upset; it makes it seem like an even bigger deal. If they accuse you of being too calm and not caring, reassure them that you know they're a great kid, and that they'll end up at a school that's right for them, not for someone else. When you talk to friends/relatives, especially in front of S/D, be very happy about the schools that they got into. If friends/relatives try to label your children (oh, S is the smart one) don't put up with it. Your children are each different, whole people, with different gifts, not to be defined by comparison to anyone else.
As we all know, kids have a big tendency to compare themselves with siblings. From an early age I've tried to let mine know that they are very different, and that's fine! They each have different gifts and needs and everything doesn't have to be equal. At a young age, my son even wanted some money to make up for my clothing shopping trips with my daughter! I told him I'd be glad to go clothes shopping with him if he needed clothes but certainly no $$ or anything else to 'equalize'. Gradually I think that this has finally sunken it, now that they are 17 and 20 years old.
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