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My D (3rd child of 3) called me on this at a very early age. She claimed that when I told her that "whatever" was fine, as long as she had done her best, it meant I didn't care as much as I cared for her brothers. She also said it meant that I thought she was less smart and less capable. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I thought (and I told her) that I had learned valuable lessons at her brothers' expense and she was reaping the benefits of my new, more low key, hands off attitude! Well, she takes any question of her abilities as a challenge, tackles the hardest courses regardless of the potential for lower grades and applied to the selective (as well as match and safety) schools that SHE wanted to attend. Long story short she was admitted to schools I didn't think she'd have a shot at, attends one and is doing quite well, despite my concerns. I think I learned that what she thought of her abilities and goals was FAR more important than what I (or anyone else) thought. And in the end she ended up with what she wanted...another challenge!
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