Yep, both sets of parents are really aging- 3 in college.
My parents just moved to be near me, but we had to get very creative with the lousy housing market, so they are effectively leasing to own their new place here, hoping the old house will well. They don't seem to worry about it at all, which is good because my DH and I worry enough for every one. My parents have always been closest, relationshipwise, to me, so it made sense, plus I have another sib w/in 20 minutes, so there are two of us to support them and my other sibs can see lots of family when they visit mom & dad, who are slowed down and little unexciting these days.
Dad was Dx w a health issue a couple of years ago and he is noticeably frailer, still looks young and perky most of the time, but he is pushed out of balance more easily and then he looks weak and feels puny
The in-laws live 1500 miles away, they investigated moving to our area a few years ago and decided they have a strong core group of friends and have lived in their home for 40+ years and want to stay where they are. The biggest issue is that Gpa is slowing down and Gma needs assistance, he has always helped her, but he is getting to the point where taking care of himself is enough. I actually spent nearly quite a bit of time there trying to help out and determine the best solution.
They have decided assisted living in their own home as long as possible is the way they want it to go, and they have a great person coming in a few times a week for a few hours a day. Gpa can still drive, but I can see the black clouds on the horizon and try not to borrow trouble by thinking too hard. When the time comes to make the tough decisions, we will make them.
The tough part is that DH feels so guilty, we are so far away, and we left on purpose, but now he feels, not regret, but sad that he cannot help. He/we visit more than most people at this distance, and more than the other sibling. Sometimes 3-4-5-6 times in a year, which is too much now esp w/travel costs escalating and the need to conserve all around and put three kids through college.
Collectively they've had:
2 hips replaced
2 knees replaced
2 back surgeries
1 cardiac bypass
1 cardiac stent insert
1 breast cancer
2 bladder cancers
1 prostate cancer
4 cataract surgeries
and a partridge in a pear tree
Sorry my post disappeared, I was trying to edit it and my entire computer shut down, so now they are out of order!
There is no family near my in-laws, once a year visiting son lives also 1500 miles away; the really sad part is that there is a reason every one lives so far away, further complicating the guilt about visiting.
And how do you ever get the grandkids to see the grandparents when they are so far and no longer travel- the kids are in college, they are doing their life and I am not thinking it is reasonable to be paying to fly them down on their breaks, as if they would want to spend a break there any way, you know? And yes, the money does factor in, not just airfare- $350-$450-$550-$800 RT depending on the urgency and fare wars, but also the time away from work, so you get the big Visa bill for travel right after taking time off from work
I am sure Gpa will live to be 100, an ornery 100