What makes me happy? Who knows these days. A lot of stuff but not one single part of it that I like more than another. I like physics, I hate almost every single career you can get with it. I like fencing, I don't want to do it professionally or teach it to people. Every thing I like when promoted to a higher purpose or the 'next level' turns out to be unsuitable. Unless I can really be an amateur fencing physicist my whole life, I need to pick at least some combination that I can stand, which is where the difficulty lies and there seems to be no way for me to think my way around it. I appreciate the suggestion to find a bigger purpose but that's exactly what I tried and failed to do. I tried aiming at a larger purpose or goal and finding smaller hobbies that go towards it, that didn't work. I tried finding small hobbies or groups and turning those into something more and that didn't work either. There doesn't seem to be a third option and what everyone's saying seems to be 'try again' but at what point does this become futile? I think soon. I can do a whole slew of things well but I can't get very interested in any one over the others.