ToHarvard-Ihope

Please grade this ACT essay so i could get a feel for my progress. Thank You in advance for your time and effort.


Prompt:
In your opinion, should high schools place restrictions on student newspapers?

Essay:

The idea that students are provided an imaginative real-world outlet that is circumscribed by numerous restreictions is proposterous. By limiting a student body's reach, the administeration is defing everything America stands for. America is a nation built on the truth and freedom and restricting the students' reach is a violation of the Declaration of Independence. By circumscribing the expressions and news of students, the school administerations are violating the First Amendment as well as nurturing adolestants in an embellished fictional world.

In 1776, when a few brave men stood in a hot hall in Philadelphia and signed a document that defied the strongest antion of their time, they did it in the name of freedom. Yet, in the same country those founding fathers established, the smae freedom is broken for a select group: the young. In the Bill of Rights, the first amendment states that freedom of speech and press among others are unalienable rights present to every citizen. Then, aren't the students of this country citizents? Haven't their rights of speech and press been broken with the iconoclastic rules of the opprssive school administerations?

Even if the legal aspect of this issue is nulified, the vieews of the admininsterations sill seem mistaken. Is it wrong for students to learn about the various forms of evils in this world? Should the truth be hidden from the future leaders of the world? From what is know, history is repeatative. The issues that are being faced today have been faced in the past and will arise in the future. To lkeep the possible futre hidden from tommorow's civilization just seems unjustifiable.

Finally, awareness is the process to solution. Revealing the problems will present others with solutions. By disclosing the facts of life to adolescents, certain doors of choice will colse while others open for each individual. If worng and their collateral consequeces are present to students, for many, good will be their only choice. This method has worked in the past on issues such as war (creation of the UN) and pandemic outbreaks (HIV/AIDS). To believe that the young cannot form the correct and desired outcome is just arrogance on the part of the school adminsterations and all who advocate this limitation.

The apprentices of today will be the leaders and teachers of tommorow. It is best if they are revealed the issues beforehand so that they cold formulate faster solutions. However, by hampering their reach of information, school administations are also limiting the possiblilities of the future. The student newspaper may seem as an insignificant source fo info, but every bit helps and for that reason, every bit should be avaliable to the students.

nilkn

The prompt seems extremely vague. Was there more to it that you just didn't post? I really don't know how well your essay responded to the prompt without knowing what is meant by "restrictions on student newspapers."

Also, "iconoclastic" is almost always used to mean the destruction of religious images. I think you should probably use a different word in your essay. That's just my opinion, though.

ToHarvard-Ihope

Prompt:

IN many high schools, the administration has provided guidelines for the publication of student newspapers. These guidelines often determin which topics can and cannot be discussed in the newspaper and prohibit what the administration deems inappropiate language. Many administrators and teachers feel that these restrictions enable them to prvide a safe learning environment for students. Ohters feel that any restriction on the student newspaper is a violation of freedom of speech. IN your opinion, should high schools place restrictions on student newspapers?

the entire prompt

justie2505

wow...

did u write this whole thing in one of the 30 minute or however long periods during the act AND remember the whole thing to write back on here?

chronicidal

no. that would be moronic.

LuckMC11

isnt that a practice essay that they want to see how they are doing so far FOR the next ACT??

TheVeganActress

^yeah, I think so.

tryin2Bcool

some misspellings. also, you need some personal examples - i don't see how your opinion relates to YOU. also, the general tone of the essay is kind of overblown/tryin a little too hard. still, it is a pretty sophisticated essay and if you could write that in 30 minutes or less my hats off to you. id give it a 9. sorry if i seem too harsh.

nilkn

I agree with tryin2Bcool: it sounds as if you used big words just for the sake of using big words. I thought some of the essay was difficult to follow due to awkward wording and sentence structure (somewhat due to your using "big words" that seemed inappropriate and out of place). You also almost appeared to be insulting those who have the opposite opinion ("To believe that the young cannot form the correct and desired outcome is just arrogance on the part of the school adminsterations and all who advocate this limitation.")

As for scoring, I'm thinking a four out of six, but take that with a grain of salt.

tryin2Bcool

o ya. didnt catch what nilkn picked up. negativity is not usually a good thing.