myraven11

Hi!
I have a question about college essay advice. For all those who have gone through the application process and applied to some top schools that require compelling essays, how did you respond to essay advice?

More specifically, I have finished quite a few essays, particularly to Penn and Georgetown, and I have sent it to 2 people for opinions and proofreading. The first person gave her opinion and told me what to do to enhance it without me losing my voice, in addition to proofreading it. The second told me things like my common app essay is "too narrative" and that he "prefers that I write about me 'moving' (in reference to the Penn supplement essay)" instead of what I have written about. He wants me to make a creative essay a lot more... serious, I guess.

Should I listen to reader number 2? Maybe take part of his advice?

Any tips would be helpful

Lagging

Don't sacrifice your voice for anyone's opinions. Basic English corrections (grammar, punctuation, word choice etc.) you should almost always fix. However, content and personal tone, unless inappropriate, you shouldn't edit out.

It's your essay and has to show your voice. Not a friend's. Write about something that you're passionate about and it will be a better essay than you writing about what someone wants to hear.

Maybe you could take part of number 2's advice about it being "too narrative." I haven't read it, so I don't know if I'd agree with him, but making an essay less narrative is a fine suggestion. Changing the topic to you moving is generally over stepping the bounds of an editor, IMO.

lookingforward

Depends on who read it. Another hs kid who has never applied to college? Some family friend who thinks he's a good judge or teachers who help with college essays every year? Maybe someone who has actually read apps?

Try to remember this isn't another hs essay, with the thesis statements, proofs, etc. It's just a nice tale with a point about how you've grown. You don't want it "too narrative" because adcoms don't have time to follow and follow, waiting for your points. And remember "show not tell." You never want the reviewer to be thinking, "Blah, blah."

myraven11

Thank you for the advice, guys!

@lookingforward the first person is a graduate from JHU and incoming medical student. She went to high school in the US, so probably understands how important it is that the essay reflects you.
The second didn't go to hs here and didn't experience the app process, but is a smart guy and graduated from JHU Med school. I'm thinking that he probably has this idea of how the app essay should be, instead of being more creative and personal (which is what I thinkk he means about being too narrative. But I may not be exactly sure).

lookingforward

This isn't about writing decently. It is about writing a personal statement for your college applications, one that will satisfy and delight adcoms. Not med school friends.

I'm sorry, that's harsh- but they don't sound like they have experience except their own apps-?

myraven11

Not harsh; I kind of agree.
Thank you, lookingforward! The advice helped!

christinapreps

Myraven, you seem to have a pretty good understanding of what a college essay should be, and why your 2nd reader may have reacted the way he did.

Once you have had someone make comments regarding punctuation, typos, etc, it can sometimes be very helpful to have someone who doesn't know you at all read your essay. After all, that will be the situation when you submit it to colleges. You'd be amazed by how you might come across in an essay if the reader doesn't have any preconceived notions about you and has only the essay to judge you on.

Ask around and try to find an adult friend of a friend. Maybe your parents know someone? The person doesn't have to have any special expertise in the college process. What you're looking for is "How does this kid come across in this essay? What do you think of him/her after having read it?"

You're essentially looking for someone to share a first impression of you based on your essay.

Good luck with your apps!