311710rvmt

As for your original predicament:

I felt a lot like you in high school. My parents would not pay for me to go to schools ranked about 25-10 in USNWR (Northwestern, Cornell, Johns Hopkins, etc) after they saw the $50k price tag. My family was upper-middle-class, so I thought they were arbitrarily depriving me of something I deserved. I just saw my EFC and thought, well I earned my way to Northwestern so it's up to my parents to cut back a little and pay for it. For kids growing up like me, it's easy to see those fin aid statements as funny money or just numbers. When I saw some of my classmates going to similar schools, and after working hard in high school, I got really worked up about going to a top 20 school. I ended up choosing state U for free because I didn't want to take on private loans (with their high interest).

With time, I came understand why my parents advised me to go on a full scholarship to state U instead of going to an expensive private school. My parents were pretty frank to me about their opinions. They thought going to NW was not worth the money (nor any of the other private schools I got in) and told me they were not going to waste their hard-earned income just to get a "brand name" (their words) education. Both of my parents are immigrants who went to medical school abroad and are doctors in the USA. They pointed out that they are equal to American doctors even though they went to school in places no one here knows about. They really believed it was what you took out of your education that counted, not the renown of the school.

In the end, I just would like to encourage the student who asked the question not to give up hope or think this is the end of the world. You won't be able to afford everything you want, and you may feel short-changed by it. Luckily, there are still opportunities at cheaper schools. You noted you were pre-med. Med school is very expensive, so it might be good choice not to accumulate college debt. Anyways, remember that one college or another isn't what makes you a happy fulfilled person. Most people would say their children, husband, wife, family, friends, etc are way more important that their alma mater for their personal fulfillment.

In general, I wouldn't recommend making risky financial decisions because your parents won't pay for college, no matter how unfair it might seem right now. Loans MUST be repaid, and you can't bankrupt on college loans (look it up). You can't make someone co-sign a loan. Even so, remember that co-sign means FULL responsibility for the ENTIRE loan, not a "back up" in case you default. Lenders don't need any due process before going after the cosigner. Also, I don't recommend joining the military just for the college money or marrying just to be FAFSA-independent.

lake42ks

As a parent, I don't understand why some can but don't want to pay for their kid's college. Unless it's not worth the money. From birth to leaving for college, parents have spent endless hours and effort, and lots of money on a child. Not that they don't care.

If a kid worked as hard as she could in HS, applied to and got accepted at some of the cheapest colleges, parents should and would pay for it. However, if the kid didn't do his level best in HS and wanted to go to the most expensive schools, why would parents go along? Both parents and student should understand this long ago, long before HS.

205mom

If there was a way to give a gold medal here on CC, I would give one to post #46.

311710rvmt- you were clearly truly educated. Wherever you went to college, you took all the right things from it.

intparent

D2 (high school sophomore) has a female friend whose parents have let her know that they will not be helping out with college expenses. They make plenty of money to cover a considerable amount (right now they pay her private high school tuition of $20,000+ with no sweat), but they paid their own way and think it would be "good for her" to pay for her own. Of course, they are 50 years old now, and things have changed a lot in terms of the cost of college in the past 30 years! I don't think they really realized that. So their D hatched a plan to prepare herself to get into one of the service academies. When she mentioned this to her mom, her mom blew a gasket (no flames at me, I actually think this was a very reasonable plan for her given those constraints from her parents!). Not sure if her parents have changed their tune on paying at least some, but I suspect they will.

D2 and I were considering asking this friend to join us on a vacation we are taking this summer, but one day of that will be spent on an LAC college tour... I hate to do that, though, if it is not an option for this kid. No decision made yet on the vacation invitation, we are still considering whether to extend it.

EWParent

I'm shaking my head reading this.... families with incomes between 120,000 - 160,000 are NOT getting any financial aid for their students.

ciaococo

You are absolutely mistaken. My family is well within this bracket and up until 3 years ago, above this bracket, and I just received BOTH a hefty academic scholarship and University need-based grant

311710rvmt

I just wanted to comment that there are two kinds of "parents won't pay for college". The first kind, which the "ask the dean" article answers well, are parents who actually refuse to help at all with their children's college. The more common kind, which I was trying to answer, is when parents don't want to pay for a more expensive college their son or daughter wants to go to but are willing to pay for a cheaper college. I find the second to be a lot more common than the first.

Roger_Dooley

You are right, 311710rvmt, the second situation seems to be more common. I don't think it's unreasonable for parents to define the amount they can contribute, even if it makes more expensive schools unaffordable for the student. Parents have multiple obligations, including their own financial health, college expenses for siblings, etc.

I'm not a fan, though, of parents using financial leverage to pick the school, e.g., "We'll pay $20K toward College A, but nothing for C or D." Ultimately, the student is going to be the one living with final choice.

Silber

What if you don't want your parents to pay? I have a terrible relationship with my dad and just don't want to be 'under his thumb' any longer, to be honest. But I feel like there's nothing I can do if I want to go to college at all..

Sally_Rubenstone

Silber--Students like you are often stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. If you don't want to accept money from your father, you will probably end up having to attend a college that offers you a lot of merit aid, which could mean enrolling at a place where the typical freshman has grades and test scores well below your own. (And even if you're totally fine with that approach, landing sufficient merit money may still be a big long shot.)

You can also try to work your way through college, taking out loans to fill the gap, but that will probably be an uphill battle, and you may not get the loans you need without finding an adult co-signer besides your dad, if you don't want him involved.

Some students do get "Emancipated" status and are thus eligible for financial aid based on their own income and assets, not their parents'. But it is VERY hard to get emancipation unless you are married, have a child, are a ward of the court, or are a military veteran.

The last option might be a possibility for you, if you would consider doing military service and then going to college afterwards or, if you're interested and qualified, you could attend a US service academy, which would be tuition-free. (There are also a handful of OTHER tuition-free colleges. See Save Money by Attending Tuition-Free Colleges - US News and World Report)

Alternatively, tell your father that you will pay as much for college as you can afford on your own and then take the rest from him in the form of a loan. Even though you may still be "under his thumb" until you repay the loan, this route may make you feel less beholden to him.