Should Parents Write Letters of Recommendation?

Sally_Rubenstone · 11-21-2009, 04:40 PM

A college on my daughter’s list has asked her father and me for a letter of reference. It will be very tough for us to write about this girl we love and admire so much with the hope that the admission committee will view her as we do and will take our praise seriously. But [...]

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warrenhui · 11-23-2009, 08:55 AM

I wouldn't take this risk. Unless you are an extremely good writer and can pull off a reasonably non bias letter then I wouldn't risk this... The only scenario I would suggest you do this if the other letters are bad and can't reflect a large portion of your duaghter's character. It also just looks bad and looses credibility... its like a joke no offence.

Sally_Rubenstone · 11-23-2009, 09:58 AM

Actually, a number of the best parent letters I read at Smith were not at all well written. Some, in fact, were in broken English and began with apologies about the author's language skills. Yet they offered such great anecdotes that the poor writing was irrelevant or sometimes even part of their charm.

rocky9999 · 11-23-2009, 10:03 AM

Nope! Reco is expected from a person whom you impressed with your skills and hard work and make him like you to give one. Parents (atleast 99.9% of them) always like their children and wish good for their careers no matter they work hard or not and so it does not make sense to the concept of a recommendation letter if given by parents. But, this is my opinion.

TaiTai · 11-23-2009, 11:04 AM

I cannot find anything wrong with parents writing a letter of recommendation. If a letter is just loaded with sweet words, admissions will know what to do with it. It would be great for shy, diligent, nice kids who are hardly noticed at HS (also because they never cause a problem). Parents will be biased, but that does not mean that they are not able to write a realistic recommendation.

davenmame · 11-23-2009, 02:47 PM

My son is homeschooled and for several of his applications &/or scholarship apps., I was actually required to write a letter of recommendation since I am his main teacher, guidance counselor,... Villanova however, was the only school who did NOT want me to write a letter of recommendation (for the college app that was OK, but not for the Pres. scholarship), which I DO understand. I had to chuckle however, because they didn't want ME to write a letter, but they told me I should get someone ELSE to write it even if they didn't teach him and I could just tell them what they should put. I found that quite amusing!

newgrad09 · 11-23-2009, 05:34 PM

Parents know more about the diligence and dedication their child has put into their schooling, work, after-school activities, religious pursuits, volunteerism, etc. than 10+ teachers, pastors, etc. Yes, try to state "just the facts", but remember, a short story of how she/he climbed the neighbors tree to rescue the 80 year old's cat, may tell more about their personality than 20 other reference letters.

kristinehintz · 11-24-2009, 06:36 AM

I would not send a parent letter unless specifically asked by the college. I am sure every admissions department has its own philosophy on whether a parent letter is useful or simply "parent gush." Similarly, there are are some colleges that ask for a peer recommendation---but that would also not make sense to provide unless asked for.

Maximus001 · 11-24-2009, 06:45 AM

I wrote one for my s a couple of years ago for Duke. It focused on his sense of humor and his relationship with his sister. He received a "Likely Letter" and was identified as one of their top 350 applicants worldwide. I guess it didn't hurt his chances.

gabby1116 · 11-24-2009, 08:26 AM

I would not send a parent letter, unless asked for one. Duke said a parent letter (along with the other recs) were optional and would be considered. My mom did write one for Duke, but not any of the others.

ellemenope · 11-24-2009, 11:31 AM

I'd only write a rec letter if asked. But our GC office asks that parents write them a "brag letter" about their child that the GCs might be able to use in some way to help them write their recs.

agent088 · 01-22-2010, 06:27 PM

I think parent rec letters lose a lot of credibility with the prospective school. When a someone who has worked closely with the student, the letter can describe a lot of what type of characteristics and work ethic the student has.

mimimomx3 · 01-24-2010, 11:12 PM

One of DD's colleges asked for a parent rec. I wrote about how I thought DD and the college were a good fit. Colleges must imagine that the parent letters will be nothing but glowing? I mean, who would write that their kid is a lazy bum?

Sally_Rubenstone · 01-25-2010, 08:24 AM

Quote:

who would write that their kid is a lazy bum?

When I used to read parent letters at Smith, I certainly didn't encounter any that said negative things about the applicant, but I tended to downplay the lists of glowing adjectives, too. What I was really interested in were the anecdotes--the ones that backed up all those complimentary adjectives. Without examples, the praise was pretty hollow.

morrismm · 01-29-2010, 07:01 PM

A school my S and D2 applied to asked for a parent recommendation. My H sent an honest, but obviously positive, one. The school responded with an strong appreciation for the letter. S was accepted, D1 was given a guaranteed acceptance either fall or spring semester after graduation from HS.

I think the letter helped. However, neither attended the school.