Parents of the HS Class of 2009

[shawbridge]

Oregon, it sounds like a bittersweet visit, but that there was much that was good.

Got up at 6:15 for a call in Europe and it seems like the guy didn't have it on his calendar. I'm not a morning person, so uggh. Turns out that Daylight Savings Time has turned off in Germany since the time these calls were scheduled. I'd actually mentioned to my assistant (who's been good) that this might happen at some point. Ah well.

Looked for condos over the weekend for ShawD. She seems to want to move by the undergrad, "I don't know what I'm studying" phase and directly to a more adult style. ShawWife and I were trying to say that we had great times as undergrads and she thinks of nursing school less as fun and more as training for a) the life she wants to lead ASAP; and b) handling important life and death situations. So, we were thinking of condos in funkier areas (hard to find, actually) and she was attracted to neighborhoods that are much more settled. She said, "I could live here after I graduate if I was working in the downtown hospitals").

She's doing really well academically at her new school. The only negatives are that she's not meeting many kids to socialize with on weekends. Some of her newly acquired friends are coming back after undergrad/work to study nursing. The ones she knows in the dorm are studying all weekend and don't seem to go out. A nice girl next door studied for 2 weeks for her Anatomy & Physiology exam. ShawD studied for two days. The two of them got the highest score on the exam (102). But, she studies and doesn't go out. Hopefully she'll find compatible friends over time.

[missypie]

So to end this tale I had one smugness. I had purchased an amazing box of chocolates to bring to what I thought would be a small celebration--a little cake and toast.
I left it in the car and after many drinks with the old friends we stayed with that night we brought it out and devoured it.

Thank goodness! I might have been angry at you if you had done anything but eaten the chocolates yourselves! I know that I could have only behaved as well as you did if I had partaken of a nice vicodin or similar substance beforehand. It sounds like the ultimate "what were they thinking? oh right, they weren't" moment. I don't know any of the players, of course, but I'm wondering if the whole lack of dressing up/lack of celebration thing was the mom's passive aggressive way of punishing her D...I am so thin and look this great and we have the money and now you've deprived me of my dream wedding so here, here's your wedding.

I celebrated with a piece of lemon pound cake and promptly falling asleep on the couch

Good for you! Last night I was simultaneously watching the womens basketball games while dealing with taxes (which I hate! I get in such a bad mood because H has never done taxes in his life; his CPA brother did his, now I do them [and by "do them" I mean get things ready to send to the accountant]). Anyway, I was also simultaneously putting a dent in a container of chocolate goodies that older D brought me from Trader Joes for my birthday (we don't have TJ here.)

[FallGirl]

oregon- sending more hugs your way. Good for you for taking the high road (and the chocolates!), the MIL sounds like a real piece of work. Thankfully, as you say the FIL seems nice. Feel free to vent here anytime.

Woody - Wow! Congrats to you. On another note, I continue to keep you and eddie in my prayers as you care for mother/MIL.

peonies- another thumbs up on the Lilly dress.

Spring break has started here for the public schools.No spring break here in the finance department as we are in month and quarter end. I feel bad for my co-workers with younger kids. S is in NYC visiting D for a few days so H and I are getting a preview of the empty nest.

I am a CPA, but H does our taxes and I review them. I am probably worse than the IRS.

[peonies]

Wow, Oregon, it sounds like you were a model of discretion. And it does sound like the family went out of their way to express that the wedding was 'no big deal'. But of course it was/is! Best wishes to your S, his new wife, and the baby! The free guest house sounds wonderful.

Congrats to Moda's D on making her decision! And yes, getting in is just the beginning. Fingers crossed these seniors of ours make it through the next few months without developing an excessive amount of senioritis.

Keep the puppy stories coming, and good luck to all with taxes!

[NorthMinnesota]

{{{HUGS}}} to you oregon. You went, you were gracious, you made an effort. You can't control what the mil did. missypie is very perceptive and I think she may be on to something with her passive/aggressive diagnosis. Instead of chocolate I would have been hitting the wine!!! In fact I did when D1's rehearsal dinner was such a flop! I even had to leave the event to run to the wine store!!! Anyway...you did what you needed to establish a relationship with the grandbaby and to show your son and dil that you were there to support them in their marriage. Baby steps!

shaw...hoping you find a condo for your D. My D2 is also in a rush to move on and start a career.

Was at the cabin with family this weekend. D2's BF received a call notifying him that his 18 yr old cousin had died in his sleep. Haven't heard anything about the cause of death but the young man had played a double header baseball game, came home saying he didn't feel well and went to bed. Such a tragedy.

[arabrab]

Oregon -- sounds like the in-laws don't know how to put the FUN in disfunctional. Unfortunately. Glad you had some chocolate therapy waiting! (And I hope that the baby cuddling was suitable gratifying.)

Kmc -- I think I like your husband -- the "You're done" concept was a great one.

I'm going to go acquire some generic Claritin. May the stuffy nose end soon.

I worked on our taxes Friday -- they're not too complicated, but I got to the end of the state return (which is uber-simple here, unlike California's nightmare) only to learn that because we're taking the long term care (insurance) credit, we have to file on paper. Ugh. I guess they had too many people claiming it inappropriately, so now they want a letter from the LTC insurer.

Shawbridge -- I think some people are "old souls" regardless of their age, and it sounds like Shaw D has got a plan in mind and is busy executing it. I gather that the apple did not fall far from the tree.

Congrats to Moda-D at having made her choice. I remember this as a terrible week -- not particularly for D, but for too many of her friends and their families who either got disappointing admit news, or happy admit news and disappointing financial realities. Absolutely no desire to go back to that.

And on the happy news front, one of the low-income kids I helped this year during the F.A. process got admitted to Stanford with a true "full ride." She's worked, gone to high school, and done lots of child care for younger siblings while her parents both worked low-paying jobs, and will be graduating from one of the large Denver high schools with an IB diploma this spring. (She passed the exams she took last spring, so I'm hoping the same will be true for this year's exams.) A great example of how the numbers alone don't tell you everything.

NM -- how awful for D2's boyfriend and all the boy's family and friends. So very sad.

[missypie]

And on the happy news front, one of the low-income kids I helped this year during the F.A. process got admitted to Stanford with a true "full ride."

That is fabulous!

NM, so sorry about the BF's cousin. I always picture the folks who have really sudden, unexpected deaths - the kid who dies in his sleep, the guy in the car that the crashing airplane lands on - up in heaven saying "Wow, I did not see that coming."

[Modadunn]

NMN- another wave of bad news at your house. I am so sorry. I can't imagine how a baseball game contributed (unlike hockey or football etc), was he hit by a pitch or something? Please let us know when you get the details. Anytime an 18 year old just dies, I cringe in the "what if's"

Oregon: Seriously.. wow. I don't know how anyone could leave you hanging in a coat while holding a baby, but I admit I wouldn't have been waiting for the invitation to remove mine and I would have definitely been uncorking the wine (or the flask in my purse). I just wish they had made it something a little more special vs everyone showing up like a regular day amid a bunch of every-day errands. I mean, how long does it take to change into soccer clothes? Did he have his shin guards on as well? I have a tiny rx for xanax. This would have been the day to haul it out for sanity. And the MIL.. I would ask S what he really thinks because if she was passive aggressive on this day, I can't imagine how controlling she might be on a regular day (and they are living on her turf, yes?). However, really the only thing you can do is strongly encourage your S to get his degree. Three semesters is nothing in the grand scheme of a life although life has definitely started in a big way for him. But he will be far more employable and less dependent on anyone if he finishes.

KMC - huge congrats on the house and to your H for recognizing enough is enough.

S sent me a text last night that no one recognized him - I had "encouraged" him to shave off the beard he's been sporting since fall while he was home. He originally tried to make it more of a goatee kind of thing, but he has no mirror skills and the more he tried to even it out, the less it became until finally... it was just better to shave it off. Yeah!! He is a very handsome guy and with the beard, you couldn't even see the cleft in his chin! Total waste. It was like covering dimples in my book!

[oregon101]

Hi all,
Thanks for the supportive outrage. I needed it. The sun is out today so that helps.
I should have just taken charge earlier but at least I did. There is so much more such as when she started smacking the perfectly behaved dog on the head so he would stay on his mat, and pulled my S's jeans out of the dryer to discuss how soon he needed them.
Love allof your coments. It absolutely was treated as a nothing event but, yes, it is a big something. I think the mother has issues and I think she is furious with our family (her behavior at the hospital was just horid--even to D who is as likable as you can get) for supporting/pushing for adoption. That said we have not said a word since November about what they should/should have done. Just went on the books and then shut up.

NMN--terrrible news and the perspective it gives to life's events are not lost on me.

I am now finished being self-centered. Back to real life. I will be quiet about this until the next event in about 6 weeks--the baptism. At least now I will know what to expect and to go in with my take charge stance.

[arabrab]

Hmmm, Oregon -- I'd be a little tempted to say to the couple, "Since MIL & FIL were so kind to help with the wedding festivities, would you let your father and I arrange and pay for a small get together at a restaurant after the baptism? (We did this after my brother's first child was born -- his in-laws were divorced and sniped at each other, and this turned out to be a fabulous way to get people arranged around some tables in a happier fashion. My niece slept through the whole thing.) I hope today is a much nicer day all around.

Moda -- Yeah on the clean shave. H desperately wanted to grow a beard years ago, but unfortunately it is a terrible, scraggly beard that makes him look like a particularly dangerous terrorist. Funny how he no longer has that urge since the hairs have gone gray!

[shawbridge]

arabrab, I was not as focused as early, but I graduated from high school when I was 16. I indeed took a gap year after one year of grad school, changed directions a bit, switched from grad school on the West Coast to grad school on the East Coast, finished my PhD and shifted fields again. But where I was similar is I always wanted to have a plan I was working towards.

Oregon, it does sound like a tremendously dysfunctional family. But, what's done is done and I think you are/will do the best to help your son finish school and get out of there. Is the father less screwed up than the mother?

[Modadunn]

I love the idea of a lunch of something following the baptism. Show em how it's done Oregon! And maybe a call to your dr asking for .25mg of xanax. One would give me a much thicker skin and two will make dysfunctional tolerable.

Shawbridge - you do understand, don't you, that there is nothing typical about you in your experience in the least, yes?

[ellemenope]

Free lodgings and a father-in-law who is not afraid to lay it on the line and speak the truth--that sounds good. Very strange wedding, though...if this couple makes it, I'm sure that the photos will be a hoot 25 years from now.

[Modadunn]

Ellemenope - That's a very nice long range option, most assuredly.

Question for you.. what did they do about rings? I mean, it's not like they were "engaged" or anything.... Call me curious (even if not tactful).

[downtoearth]

Too bad the mother couldnt put it all aside for the sake if her daughter. Seems like it is all about her. I vote for the flask next time (that made me laugh) It is better to take the high road because ultimately you want to see your grandchild, son and DIL. I am sorry it is not as you would have liked. But if something goes wrong it wont be because of you. show them how its done!
No Shaw you are not typical. a good thing!
Missy where do you find the time?
Glad the house is getting done.
I have been extremely stressed about this college business the last couple of days. A delayed reaction??? I havent liked how the process has affected my d's friends and I feel sad. On other threads people take the stand that it is what they go through. I know it is , but it is sad nontheless.
Moda congrats on the decision.
D is still deciding, D1 thinks she should choose the local school, says she will be in the city ,not at home. so it will be a change. It is the more logical choice and both my girls have ShawD's outlook. I am here for a purpose to be X. what will get me there?
In fact D2 has taken on the role of counseling her friends through their dissapointing results. One said what do you know? you have been accepted everywhere? She said I have had a 200K big no, so I do know then they were quiet. (the scholarship) LOL
I struggle as I am a military brat, and have lived in other parts of the country and see the value in this. But there is always travel. I guess its personal as sometimes, I dont always feel that I belong in NE, having midwestern parents, and spent many years in the south. so perhaps it is just me projecting. It is also a rough time of year for me, to many yucky anniversaries so perhaps that is it.