My best friend died last year... and a rant

Reeze · 01-12-2006, 10:02 PM

Last year my best friend of about 14 years died (grew up together). On all the college apps, they asked for extenuating circumstances or anything they should know about. What did I do? I declined to write about this. My grades my Junior year were strait As. I think I'd feel guilty as heck doing that and I just wanted to let out my feelings. I want the college to take me for me, not because my friend died. They also made me remember a lot of stuff, it sucked.

Some people told me I should've included it, but I don't feel it's appropriate.

Can someone explain to me why a college would want to know this? It frusterates/upsets me. This kid was ivy league material (typical strait As, 3 sport varsity, super intelligent and super everything, NMSF). Those questions really brought up feelings of saddness in me because I felt some sort of pressure to tell them, yet I wouldn't give in.

Do you guys agree with my decision? I do not doubt it, but I want to see how other people view this.

Thanks

Shark_bite · 01-12-2006, 10:08 PM

id mention it, not because of what happend to your friend, but for the effect it had on you. besides if you could manage great grades without the comfort of your friend, then yeah you are a stronger applicant. but still, if you disagree with this principle then its best to stick with your guns.

blawned · 01-12-2006, 10:10 PM

It's a personal decision. Some students feel that a death or illness is a way to compensate for bad grades. You were obviously able to deal with a tragic death and get good grades. It might have helped you a bit, but as long as you have the grades, it doesn't really matter.

I was thinking about putting down my mother's illness as a reason for bad grades freshman year, but I decided against it. A friend of mine, who lost her mother last year, decided to notify colleges, and that was fine too. Honestly, it's just a personal choice.

And straight*, sorry.

I feel like an evil person for asking, but how did your friend pass away? Don't tell me if you don't want to.

Good luck!

Reeze · 01-12-2006, 10:12 PM

Car accident (no alcohol involved, someone was speeding and hit the car he was in, then the hospital put him in the wrong department so he was left untreated until it was too late and died)

I'd put even money that he'd get into an amazing school (class val)

dufus3709 · 01-12-2006, 10:29 PM

I think you obviously made the right decision for yourself when you didn't include it because of the way you would have felt about it if you had. It seems that you would have felt as if you had somehow benefited from your friend's death.

Don't blame the colleges for asking about extenuating circumstances or anything they should know about. They are offering people who had problems and whose grades suffered the opportunity to let the college know about the problem and to take it into account. They weren't pressuring you to talk about it, but rather offering to listen to the people who do want to talk.

I'm sorry about your friend. People say jokingly that they will die if they don't get into (blank). It does put everything into perspective. There is nothing more sad than when someone at the beginning of life is taken away.

kcirsch · 01-12-2006, 10:31 PM

It's apparent it had a large effect on you and had it been me I probably would have written my essay on it, but it is obviously not needed for a "special circumstances" section because well you pulled off great grades regardless.

WoW4201 · 01-12-2006, 10:32 PM

no offense but why do u keep talking about his grades...nobody cares...Id only care to hear that he was a good person and stuff not that he was "ivy material" like it matters at all

dufus3709 · 01-12-2006, 10:35 PM

Quote:

no offense but why do u keep talking about his grades...nobody cares...Id only care to hear that he was a good person and stuff not that he was "ivy material" like it matters at all

I thought that too, but I think it is because his friend had his whole life ahead of him.

Northstarmom · 01-12-2006, 11:02 PM

I agree with your decision. It really is a very personal decision about whether to write about something so painful. As long as you followed your heart in not writing about it, you did the right thing.

I admire how you've been able to keep your grades up. The death of a friend is so painful: It takes a lot of resilience to get good grades despite having such sorrow.

Reeze · 01-12-2006, 11:04 PM

his character was beyond question... honestly... lots of people say how good people were after they died, but this kid was definately special. I don't know why i mentioned that ivy crap so much (too much CC), but it might have to do with the fact that he was just so good at life. Very popular at school, teachers loved him, one of the funniest/most fun people I've ever met, had an awesome smile, very caring personality and connected to people from all social groups. Super family man.... he pulled off the ideal life full of happiness, friends, school, sports, and everything. It's not possible to sum him up and I'm not exagerating. He's one of those people you meet only a couple times in your life. I guess the word "special" works.

Reeze · 01-12-2006, 11:11 PM

thanks northstarmom, but I think it did affect me and put me into the burnout I'm experiencing now where I don't care as much about the things I used to (like school) and care more about just being happy. I'm getting As, but it's almost artificial work I do.

I just feel like they put you in a really bad position by asking this question and force you to make a personal/hard/emotional choice. It really was a "downer"

Slak · 01-12-2006, 11:34 PM

I think what you did was very commendable. Not becuase the event didnt affect your life (it obviously has), but that you want to be judged based on what YOU have done with your life. I have known many people/read many articles of people who have felt that their success was "artificial" and tainted as a result.

I feel bad for your loss; he seemed like a great guy.

xindianx · 01-13-2006, 02:48 PM

just to add one more thing..you don't call these types of threads "rants" when you are talking about your best friend who passed away, a case of totally improper word choice..

Reeze · 01-13-2006, 06:02 PM

xindian, i was ranting bout the whole college app question... how is that not proper word?

swbutterfly1 · 01-13-2006, 06:32 PM

I agree with northstarmom. I think the colleges might be interested in the rare essay that manages to show a growth, maturation process, or something otherwise amazing that happened in the context of a tragedy. The thing is though, it's hard to hit that right on the nose. What strikes a chord with one person might not strike a chord with someone else. But, the more important part is that you feel there are some things that are personal and that are not subject to "evaluation" on the part of people who don't even know you or your friend. It makes sense. There is no right/wrong on things like this, but I think I would have done the exact same thing as you. And, if you are at all as thoughtful a person as you seem to sound through CC, then I bet you have some interesting other revelations/insights to who you are that can be revealed through other topics. Good luck!!