You have some GREAT piece of writing.
Only thing that disturbed me were your figurative language.
Being descriptive is good, but I found it too much over-used.
*Remember, Adcom does NOT read the entire essay. Moreover, they do NOT read it as thoroughly as we do. They just VERY BRIEFLY scan over it to see the main idea of your essay. Most of All, they HATE reading an essay with too many descriptions. You should minimize it at all cost.
You essay deserves an A if it was your English paper assignment.
However, as an Admission Essay, try to be more brief and more straight to the point.