funny professor/teacher quotes thread

smurfgirl · 10-28-2006, 12:46 PM

I'm honestly so sick of reading political threads on this part of the forum and I'm happy that the lame jokes thread is taking over right now. I have decided to create a funny professor/teacher quotes thread to throw off the serious threads. I want to come to the cafe to get a good laugh from studying so much, so post your quotes.

I'll start:

psych prof: "I just noticed that there's a dogbone on the podium!"
-in the middle of a lecture about learning, very random

dubisteinschuh · 10-28-2006, 12:58 PM

My sophomore English teacher -

"Do you like SEX?!!" - when some students expressed concerns that they would dislike a Tale of Two Cities. Funny thing is that ATOTC doesn't have any sex in it at all.

Jman2306 · 10-28-2006, 06:26 PM

"This machine doesn't stop going!"

That's what my AP US History teacher says during school days that we have off because we have to turn in assignments every week no matter what. You'd have to be in my situation to think of it as funny.

And my english teacher last year would say "stop having social intercourse" when our class got noisy.

Most of my teachers are pretty boring though. haha

iloveagoodbrew · 10-28-2006, 07:17 PM

"What the **** did I just do?"
"Isn't this better than getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick?"
Dan Budny (google him)

craze200 · 10-28-2006, 08:05 PM

My history teacher forbids us to say "crap" in class, instead we are forced to use the term "poop on a stick" as a substitute for crap (don't ask).

helpmegetin! · 10-28-2006, 08:13 PM

my honors english teacher explaining a paper
"you will have to choose to agree or to not disagree."

TheVeganActress · 10-28-2006, 10:24 PM

I don't have any quotes, but my math teacher does magic tricks in class... coins and cards and stuff. he says he used to be a street magician.
he was also kicked out of college twice...

ames0587 · 10-29-2006, 12:43 AM

on the policy of not putting grades in English papers:

Student: So, do you have the grades in a gradebook and just not show us them?

English Prof: Yes, I write them in blood and then have them tattooed on my ass.

GreenDayFan · 10-29-2006, 07:39 AM

umm history teacher(when starting Chinese unit)- "Now instead of worshipping Uncle Joe (Stalin) we'll worship MAO!" He then went on to scream Mao for about two minutes then he said, "OH! And wait until you learn about Hu Ya Bang(or however its spelt). Then he made a Chinese-like voice and said. Hu Ya Bang? Hu Ya Bang today? Hu Ya Bang!" then did a thrust motion. and said "you know it's the end of the day when my jokes get raunchy."

traxx · 10-29-2006, 08:18 AM

We call my AP Euro teacher (who's also been our Italian History teacher for the past two years) "The Shooter". She'll insult your intelligence without you even knowing it; however, they're the funniest insults. Every time she says something, someone in the class puts out their index finger and thumb and screams out "POW!"

She was reading my friend's paper on Louis XIV and all of a sudden she stops and says "WHO WRITES THIS?!" with a mystified look on her face. Also, about a week ago, she was looking over another friend's paper and says "This is ...what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yes, convulted." then my friend says "You mean bullshxt, right?" my teacher stops for a second and says "Yes, that's right".

What makes it even funnier is her Italian accent. You gotta love the lady though. She's even doing the little gun thing now, too. And she winks when she does it, too "

POW " lol.

Jman2306 · 10-29-2006, 09:49 AM

I remember last year, we would make fun of our Spanish 3 teacher because of her accent. One day she asked me, "Do you want a cookie?" (sounded like cue-key) And just about every day after that, someone would ask her if she wanted a cookie.

I find substitutes alot more funnier though. Last year we had a vietnamese substitute for Biology and her accent was so heavy that no one could understand what she was saying...when she gave us directions, everyone was like "what?".

And another substitute we had was in World War II, and the whole time we were trying to do an assignment, he told us his life story.

Abhi08544 · 10-29-2006, 01:08 PM

My Maths Teacher:-
Hey Both of you three; stand up.
I have 4 brothers and both are male.

GoldShadow · 10-29-2006, 03:58 PM

My english TA:

"We don't have class next wednesday, so work on your papers, get drunk, have sex, or whatever it is you do."

smurfgirl · 10-29-2006, 04:43 PM

I just remembered another one:

psych prof: (talking about about how people don't like their space invaded by citing a study in a men's bathroom)

"When the man was standing next to him in the ---- (he couldn't think of the word).."

A girl in the front row : "A urinal?"

Prof: "yes...a urinal"

--funny how a *female* came up with the word he couldn't remember

Prof: "When there's a whole row of urinals there's no reason for another guy to stand next to you!"
--I guess he had to explain that since we females don't get it.

neutralnuke · 10-29-2006, 05:48 PM

my linear algebra professor at Hopkins:

"Try to imagine me penetrating the blackboard"

"If I showed you my belly button, that would be exotic."