neha1

lol!! dats funny...darn, i seemed to have run outta them...
mods: PLEASE dun close this thread anytime soon, i need this is depressin times

sarorah

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES


A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him
sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as
he wipes a
tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter,dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes,I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my carmaking love?"
"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair
beside him.
The husband continues...
"Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you
marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have gotten out today!!!!"

helpmegetin!

the sad thing is i laughed really hard at the kiwi one

helpmegetin!

rojokatkam really fun.... from that list starting with cigarette..

cdb9000

Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

cstrdmnd

I was happy.
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses.
She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

sarorah

Ahahahahaah. niiice

cdb9000

what's funnier than a dead baby?
a dead baby in a clown costume.

why did the baby cross the road?
someone chained it to a bumper.

tracemhunter

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'