Tough Childhood, Surviving Senior Year and Making it to College?

dukeletter · 02-09-2009, 08:58 PM

Hey everyone,

I've had an incredibly tough childhood (extreme poverty, combative parents, a terrible family whose serious criminal offenses have been in the newspaper and court report so many times that I'm embarrassed to say my last name). Despite all of this, I've become very outgoing and, thankfully, have done remarkably well in school, on the SAT's and everything in between.

Senioritis is not the term for what I'm feeling. Going to school everyday, bearing my family situation and dealing with relatives' notoriety in my community is becoming really difficult—it's hard to cope with it all without feeling utterly exhausted each day.

I feel like a rubber band is pulling at me—I've made it so far and there's only a little way to go before I can finally start college.

Since everyone here at CC is so caring and intellectual, maybe you all could help me out. Any tips on how to approach this situation so I can get through these last few months? I've done my best to have a positive attitude, but maybe there's something I'm missing or have overlooked.

Thanks.

radronOmega · 02-09-2009, 09:32 PM

You want to be effectively motivated through fear or through happy bubbles?

Potential · 02-21-2009, 07:17 PM

Hey,
Hang in there buddy. Talk to someone close to you. Relax. Make a list of things you want to do and whenever you're in the mood, do one of them. I realize things times are tough for you, and you may feel emotionally drained. You're almost done. Don't let up. Work out. Get out of the house more often. Keep yourself busy. You'll get through it. Feel free to PM me anytime.
-V

OperaDad · 02-22-2009, 07:57 AM

Just remember, no matter how hard it is, things could be worse. There is another thread on the kids from Slumdog Millionaire. You could be one of those kids. Seems like you are one step away from College. I would bet that is better than some of your friends.

Part of growing up is learning to push through and do what you have to do. You have a light at the end of the tunnel - 4 more months and you are done. Imagine having a job you hate, and working there day-in and day-out so you can raise your family and put your kids through school.

I am not saying that your situation is not bad. It is a lot worse than many of the kids on this board. But, it is what it is. You will be a stronger person once you have made it through. People who succeed have the attitude of "I can do it", not "woe is me". Learn that, and your kids won't have to go through what you have. That is the ultimate reward you have to look forward to.

BTW: You should be close to the legal age where you can change your name (just joking, but true).

Mom2M · 02-22-2009, 08:22 AM

Find someone to talk to ....and not necessarily about the immediate crisis. Talk about whatever you need to at that time, the crisis, the future, the ugly paint in the hs gym...anything. If you have come this far, you can hang on to get to college. If all else fails, ask yourself if you can get through the next 15 minutes (or half hour, whatever). The smaller increments of time seem more doable than longer stretch until college, and time passes in small increments, not all at once. I know it sounds crazy, but it works, I've had reason to try it.

Good Luck.

Dr.Horse · 02-23-2009, 12:00 AM

Listen Pal, what you need to do is apply to some good schools on the opposite side of the country. Take loans if you cant afford tuition and get away. Go away and start your life off fresh in a environment where nobody will know you. If people do recognize you then lie and say they are wrong. Just get away. Maybe one day things will be better at home.

the_prestige · 02-23-2009, 08:38 AM

You're gonna make it. You gotta believe it. What is the alternative? Dropping out and doubling down on your odds for failure? No. Failure at this point is not an option for you. You've come too far. Gotta suck it up and get through.

Education is your passport out of "hell". You gotta get your stamp before you take your flight though, so go get it.

Here is a short inspirational video that I hope will help you through your day:

YouTube - Rudy and Janitor

Good luck.

Northstarmom · 02-23-2009, 11:14 AM

For inspiration, read the book, "Hope in the Unseen." It's the true story of a young man whose background was very similar to yours. He was impoverished, dad was incaracerated. Still, Cedric Jennings made it through college and grad school and now is in his early 30s. You can get it cheap on Amazon used.

Connect here with Mr. Tubz, a Stanford student whose background is very similar to yours.

Post on CC's Parents Forum, where you'll get lots of wise advice from supportive adults.

Congratulations on your successes. Sending you warmest wishes as you finish senior year and move on with your life.

dsultemeier · 02-23-2009, 11:28 AM

Can you take up some new activities just to keep busy until senior year ends? Get a job (or try to work more hours if you already have one), volunteer, learn a new language, try a new sport, listen to some different music, etc. Maybe you can think of this as a fun, relaxing time in between finishing college applications and going off to start the next chapter of your life.

CountingDown · 02-23-2009, 11:32 AM

Congrats to you. There are CCers here who have risen from difficult circumstances to have happy, productive lives. Your tenacity in getting this far will help you get through college.

I hope you have identified and applied to colleges that will allow you to move past the family notoriety and start down an independent path. (I'm talking financially, emotionally, geographically, etc. if that's what you want to do.)

You are right in sensing that getting to college is just the beginning of this path. Is there someone (a minister, trusted adult friend, teacher) who can help you on the next steps in this journey? It may be time to set down some tangible goals for next year, whether it's getting a job on campus, how you're going to get to campus, what kinds of activites you may want to be involved in, what kind of supports/mentoring you may feel you need. Campus health has counselors that can work with you on some of these things, as well as the family issues I'm sure you don't want to share here.

My thinking is that if you start some thinking about and planning for your immediate future, it may help to distract you from the other noise in your life. It will not always be easy, but if you can start off college with an attitude of succeeding, not just surviving, you will be one step ahead of the game. There ARE folks who will help you and not judge. You have to find them, but they ARE out there.

Northstarmom · 02-23-2009, 11:51 AM

What colleges have you applied to, and have you gotten acceptances yet?

UCLA09 · 02-23-2009, 01:06 PM

Whenever I went through some trials in my personal life that began to get in the way of my academic goals...I would always think of the children that I wish to have one day. They would be my motivation for working harder to not let anything effect my academic coursework and goals. Think of what you've gone through and think about your future children....would you like your children to go through the same struggles you've gone through. I hope this thought helps to motivate and strengthen you as you continue in life.

gettinin · 02-23-2009, 03:34 PM

Don't discount your feelings. Knowing that "things can be worse" is little comfort if you're already in an uncomfortable situation.

Have you thought about talking to a therapist or school counselor? When I was in school, I was very reluctant to accept that kind of help, but we can't always "push through" our problems on our own. Sometimes you need help recognizing what your problems truly are and what the best way is to deal with them. At the very least, a counselor will offer a non-judgmental ear for you to vent your frustration.

Dr.Horse · 02-23-2009, 04:39 PM

If you haven't applied yet, I would certainly make sure you note your hardships in your application essays.

powayparent · 02-23-2009, 05:07 PM

Dr. Horse is right--if you have a choice of colleges, go to the one furthest from home. I also recommend talking to your school counselor. I realize this isn't senioritis, but you may be feeling some fear about leaving the devil that you know, even if it does drag you down. You may also be feeling some guilt about leaving your family to deal with it's own mess without you (I'm guessing they count on you quite a bit). These are just guesses, but if you talk to a counselor (who is there just for that purpose and has heard every story imaginable), he or she may be able to tease out what is really bothering you. You've obviously overcome a lot through your academics, but that was within your control. Your family isn't, and letting them take care of themselves will surely be a tougher hurdle. But you clearly have what it takes. So hang in there. You will overcome ALL of it.