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Common App Essay- URGENT NEED HELP

FutureOfWallStFutureOfWallSt Posts: 135Registered User Junior Member
edited February 2012 in College Essays
When asked to elaborate on one of my extracurricular activities, I chose football, because in all honesty I probably learned the most from it than any other activity I was apart of during high school, (aside from actual school of course).

When I read this sentence, it sounded awkward

"Football not only taught me self-discipline on and off of the field, but also courage and competitiveness."

Is this a good sentence? If not, how can I improve it?

Please help, I am applying to Fordham at the last second even after the deadline. Obviously I need all the help I can get.
Post edited by FutureOfWallSt on

Replies to: Common App Essay- URGENT NEED HELP

  • mike011xmike011x Posts: 167Registered User Junior Member
    Try being specific, "elaborate" on how it did this. I would suggest using the space after the comma to do this. It's not much use if you just list a bunch of words. If you want me to read over it then PM it to me. I'm here to help. :)
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