Three Simple Rules for Admissions Essays - Page 2

digmedia · 07-18-2012, 07:23 PM

But of course bonus rule 1 is not absolutely necessary. What *IS* important is to show you in a good light without bragging. Here is another short example from my book, to answer the prompt about showing "something about yourself beyond the statistics and information in your application."

Quote:

The small chest was opened by my grandfather's frail hand and the contents began to sparkle even before the lid was completely lifted. He had called his grandchildren together that night, and we were brought into the bedroom one at a time. His leukemia was advancing daily, but there was no mistaking that he was enjoying this little ritual. His parents had run a jewelry business many years ago and this chest was all that remained of it. The antique jewelry was valuable and he wanted each of his grandchildren to take a single item. The heaping pile of shining gold and polished gemstones could have been the contents of a pirate's chest. But I saw what I wanted almost immediately: a tarnished sterling silver frog ring.

It was nearly worthless, but it seemed to call to me from the tangle of treasure and I retrieved it. With the certainty of fate, it was a perfect fit for my finger, the rear legs of the frog transforming into the ring band, and the front legs reaching forward to grab my finger.

"Don't you want something more valuable?" he asked. "No," I replied, already in love with this little silver frog.

His heart failed him a few hours later.

I still wear the ring. Since I’ve grown over the past few years, I've had to have it resized, requiring that it be cut from my finger. Afterwards, as I slipped on the ring with its larger band, the front legs of the frog reached out and grasped my finger with its comforting grip.

My siblings and cousins may have a more valuable item stuffed away in a drawer somewhere. But I have the silver frog, holding my finger like my small hands once held my grandfather's finger as we walked together, side by side.

digmedia · 07-18-2012, 07:33 PM

I wrote these essays to illustrate points in the book but before anyone accuses me of making up these stories, I have to emphasize that both of these are true and were strong memories from my past. These strong memories make the best fodder for creating application essays. I can so strongly remember that moment when the cloak dropped to see the "pregnant" actress on stage. And I *still* have that frog ring. I just got it out again yesterday. That is still a treasure beyond value for me, although it no longer fits. I think I'll get it resized once more.

One complaint might be that the essay reader might have to know something about Ibsen's play to understand what is going on. But any admissions reader at a LAC would probably be familiar with it. Also, I don't think you absolutely have to know the play to "get" what's going on for the writer.

parkemuth · 07-18-2012, 10:07 PM

First off, your essays are beautifully crafted and fulfill everything most of think a good essay should be. It has a narrative that flows, a voice, and conveys a message by showing not telling.
In that sense it is a perfect example to give to people.

But I will take issue with your assumption about what readers at LACs know.
I frankly don't believe it.
As the article in the most recent Atlantic Magazine from a Harvard grad demonstrates, it is possible to go through the most prestigious school in the US without reading anything ED Hirsch would file under cultural literacy.
It is possible, to put it bluntly, for an English major to go through 4 years with reading perhaps only one (and in some cases none) of Shakespeare's plays.
Ibsen is a stretch it seems to me. Maybe Green Day for social commentary or perhaps Jersey Shore for anthropological treasures. But Ibsen is long dead and largely forgotten these days. Not for a theatre major but a liberal arts major will not have had to go near that particular dead white male And that goes for almost all the great books. That died in all but a few places a while ago.
Again, I am not the bearer of this news, it is the professors themselves who have been saying this for quite some time. Lionel Trilling, In the Moral Obligation To Be Intelligent, sounded the death knell a generation before these kids were even born. So too Dwight MacDonald. The list of current diatribes against, what an Emory professor calls The Dumbest Generation, is persuasive.

I don't agree about the dumb part though. They are educated in ways those of us used to traditional education can barely dream of. As Adbusters so eloquently put it in a note to teachers, the average student is exposed to over 3500 ads a day. They are PhDs in advertising by the time they are 5.

On the other hand, I have met students in China who have read Ulysses, or Italo Calvino, and most surprising to me, E.M. Cioran, all heroes to me, but hardly household names. In classes I know students are reading Bolano's epic 2066, or reading one of the great novels in American history, Infinite Jest. But Ibsen. Not likely. I do not mean this as a critique just an observation.

I will end this with something Douglas Day, a national book award winner and a phenomenal teacher once shared. "It is getting to the point that I feel I have to provide a footnote to everything I refer to. 'Jesus, once thought to be the Savior, thought to have lived in and around Jerusalem, which is a city in the Middle East.'" Of course he was being ironic, but with students coming in from all over the world, and with an academic free for all in college, I cannot be sure just what any student has read.

lookingforward · 07-19-2012, 12:15 AM

Yes, your writing is highly talented, lovely. But, the personal statement isn't supposed to have literary merit. In fact, sometimes, considering the writer is supposed to be a hs kid, with limited skills, limited years of honing, the reader can be diverted by wondering: is this an unsually gifted kid- or lots of help from an adult with years of experience perfecting his own writing? I'd also point out that it takes to para 3 to find the "I" in the first essay example. There's a bit in P 4, then it only picks up again in the second to last.

I read for an Ivy, as well as coach a few bright kids. What has to come through is that this is a kid who will fit and thrive at that college- you really don't want an "A" piece of work at the expense of the kid himself showing through. In that respect, let's get back to "creative non-fiction."

No hs kid has really got the skills and experiences to perfectly report circumstances, events or actions. I don't care if he perfectly sets a scene or accurately reports each detail. Nor whether he "creatively" selects the details, in order to facilitate his point.

I care about his judgment in choosing a suitable topic, developing it appropriately for a "personal statement" and the perspective he shows- all are markers of maturity and grounding. I care that he neither gets side-tracked (again, shows judgment- and the ability to self-edit) nor is self-consciously showing off his writing craft, but seems genuinely engaged in both the story he tells and the lesson he learned- that he is the focus. And, as a coda, that he can point to the subsequent tangible changes in himself and his actions toward others. All with "show, not tell."

Sorry if I am being presumptuous saying these things. I probably sound like a monster reader. I agree the context doesn't have to be earth-shattering- some nice tale about nerves or an unexpected responsibility or being surprised at how he managed a challenge, or how some advice got him thinking.

Btw, at top schools, adcoms ar among the savviest people I know. Highly educated, very well aware of what a kid can do and where he fails. There is a lot of forgiving, along with the hgh standards. Again, sorry if I intruded.

digmedia · 07-19-2012, 06:51 AM

lookingforward -

I think what you said was exactly right. When my own son showed me his admissions essay, it did not adhere to any "formula," nor did it follow any "rules." Any essay coach could have taken it apart with criticism. BUT, it was such an insight into who he was that I gave it back to him and said, "Don't change a thing!"

The essays above are written by me (as an adult) to illustrate points , and I, too, would be highly suspicious if one of these crossed my desk. You are NOT being presumptuous at all. My goal is to provide some techniques (for those who feel lost in starting essays) to achieve the following:

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookingforward

I care about his judgment in choosing a suitable topic, developing it appropriately for a "personal statement" and the perspective he shows- all are markers of maturity and grounding. I care that he neither gets side-tracked (again, shows judgment- and the ability to self-edit) nor is self-consciously showing off his writing craft, but seems genuinely engaged in both the story he tells and the lesson he learned- that he is the focus. And, as a coda, that he can point to the subsequent tangible changes in himself and his actions toward others. All with "show, not tell."

digmedia · 07-19-2012, 09:09 AM

For example.... I recommend that students write their first paragraph, but when that is done, go immediately to the last paragraph and write that one, showing "the subsequent tangible changes in himself and his actions toward others," as you so nicely put it. That allows them to then write the middle paragraphs with much more focus, showing how one got from the beginning to the end.

A mistake that I often see in student essays is the lack of a sharp focus. Sometimes what students think is important is really not and the essay begins to ramble....

parkemuth · 07-19-2012, 06:07 PM

Hi Dig,

Let me return to something tat I brought p that I think was not adressed before and I hope you might help here.
I think it may be worth discussing whether creative non-fiction is indeed the best approach to the college essay. I think it is not self-evident, although I am clearly in favor of such an approach.

I think Philipe Lopate's introduction to his The Art of the Personal Essay, might be a good place to start:

"The essay challenges formal analysis by what Walter Pater called its 'unmethodical method,' open to digression and promiscuous meanderings."

My question is whether this is good advice for those writing a college essay.

Given what you have said in this thread it appears that meandering is not the best approach to writing a college essay. Am I misreading you?

lookingforward · 07-19-2012, 06:14 PM

There's a basic difference between a well-written essay and a well-written college app personal statement.

parkemuth · 07-19-2012, 06:53 PM

Thank you. You are then saying that the personal statement is not an essay as people like Lopate and Pater define it. Could you help me learn about the differences?
Would you go so far as to say that a personal statement is a different genre than an essay, and then how would creative non-fiction fall into the former as something to encourage?

lookingforward · 07-19-2012, 07:08 PM

I'm sure you know it's not uncommon to look back at a poster's other posting history, maybe follow a link. I now realize, after my last comment, that your experience with admissions runs deep.

I think, before verturing into a disagreement about teenaged writing, I'd like to hear what you valued in application essays. I'll leave it at that.

parkemuth · 07-19-2012, 07:29 PM

I hope there is no disagreement here. I am new to CC so I am just stumbling around. I want help from people who know far more than me the best way to guide students who visit this site.
I am trying to get my vocabulary in order here. It seems you posit a substantive difference between the kind of 'essay' that Lopate's introduction to his book encourages and the approaches a student should take to his or her college application 'personal statement'. Am I misreading you? Thank you for your guidance on this.

parkemuth · 07-20-2012, 12:27 PM

Any guidance on this? If I say pretty please?

digmedia · 07-20-2012, 12:58 PM

parkemuth.... I sent you an email.